TORONTO – At a press conference held outside Toronto’s Friendly Harvest Food Bank, RBC announced its latest financial offering: the new Canadian Groceries Loan Program. The program aims to …
Oscar the Grouch criticized for giving children unrealistic housing goals
TORONTO – Sesame Street character Oscar the Grouch has come under fire for setting unattainable housing goals for children by TV critic Madeline Wathers. Famously, Oscar the Grouch lives in…
Teen listening intently to grandmother for deep dive on latest “Nanalore”
RAWDON, QC – Local teen Ben Glasgow, age 16, was listening intently to his grandmother’s origin story to catch up on the latest “Nanalore” drop. His grandmother, Grace Glasgow, was recounti…
Avatar 3 run time predicted to go right up to Avatar 4 release
TORONTO, ON – There’s something special to look forward to in 2024. With blockbuster movie running times increasing every year, Avatar 3 has an announced run time of 2 years. This takes the…
Narcissist sends himself dick pic
MOUNT PEARL, NL – Locally renowned narcissist, Charles Mizzard, has been telling anyone who will listen about the “spectacular” dick pic he sent himself. Many residents have been unable to …
Elon Musk close to fulfilling conditions of eccentric uncle’s will to spend 45 B$ without giving it away
SAN FRANCISCO — Elon Musk is on the verge of completing the stipulations of his uncle’s will wherein he must spend 45 B$ without giving it away. By doing so before the end of the year, Elon Musk …
NDP asks Liberals to stop calling them “Lil’ Buddies” in official announcements
OTTAWA – NDP leader Jagmeet Singh used Question Period to request that the Liberals no longer refer to the NDP as “Lil’ Buddies” in government communiques. For the past few months, Trudeau’…
CBS announces ‘Young Sheldon’ spin-off, ‘Forced Birth Sheldon’
CALIFORNIA – Fans of “The Big Bang Theory” and “Young Sheldon” are in luck. CBS announced a new spinoff called “Forced Birth Sheldon” featuring the pre-birth fetus of Sheldon Cooper, the wi…
New law forbids tourists from leaving Montreal until they eat a poutine
MONTREAL – Montreal Mayor Valerie Plante announced a new measure where tourists will no longer be allowed to leave the city limits unless they have eaten one of the city’s signature dishes,…
Jailed Ottawa protestors offer to co-run prison with warden
OTTAWA, ON – Several arrested protestors from the downtown occupation have offered to co-run the prison where they are being held. The prisoners have released a “Declaration of Understandin…
