MOUNT PEARL, NL – Locally renowned narcissist, Charles Mizzard, has been telling anyone who will listen about the “spectacular” dick pic he sent himself. Many residents have been unable to …
Elon Musk close to fulfilling conditions of eccentric uncle’s will to spend 45 B$ without giving it away
SAN FRANCISCO — Elon Musk is on the verge of completing the stipulations of his uncle’s will wherein he must spend 45 B$ without giving it away. By doing so before the end of the year, Elon Musk …
NDP asks Liberals to stop calling them “Lil’ Buddies” in official announcements
OTTAWA – NDP leader Jagmeet Singh used Question Period to request that the Liberals no longer refer to the NDP as “Lil’ Buddies” in government communiques. For the past few months, Trudeau’…
CBS announces ‘Young Sheldon’ spin-off, ‘Forced Birth Sheldon’
CALIFORNIA – Fans of “The Big Bang Theory” and “Young Sheldon” are in luck. CBS announced a new spinoff called “Forced Birth Sheldon” featuring the pre-birth fetus of Sheldon Cooper, the wi…
New law forbids tourists from leaving Montreal until they eat a poutine
MONTREAL – Montreal Mayor Valerie Plante announced a new measure where tourists will no longer be allowed to leave the city limits unless they have eaten one of the city’s signature dishes,…
Jailed Ottawa protestors offer to co-run prison with warden
OTTAWA, ON – Several arrested protestors from the downtown occupation have offered to co-run the prison where they are being held. The prisoners have released a “Declaration of Understandin…
Ottawa Police issue apology to protesters for any inconvenience they may have caused
OTTAWA – The Ottawa Police Service issued a statement apologising to the protesters that descended on the nation’s capital this past weekend for any trouble their presence may have caused t…
Local cellphone loves lying about how much battery is left
KITIMAT, BC – A cellphone owned by local Elaine Jorgensen takes great delight in deceiving its owner in how much battery power remains by shutting off at the worst time possible, regardless…
Scientists say giant spiders are the future for both food and transportation
OTTAWA, ON – A new report out of the National Research Council says that the solution to growing challenges in transportation and food sectors may well be the same thing: giant spiders. Wit…
Nickelodeon launching new kids show “That’s Problematic!”
NEW YORK – Leading Nickelodeon’s fall lineup is a new kids show, “That’s Problematic!” The show presents and addresses a myriad of issues that were accepted uncritically by previous generat…