VANCOUVER – Researchers at the University of British Columbia Faculty of Science report that the only thing that loves you without question feels the same way about tonguing its tuchus. The…
Toronto friends plan to meet for coffee four months from now
TORONTO – After a chance encounter, long-time friends Sylvia Majersky and Lillian Silvers excitedly planned to meet for coffee 117 days from the day they both told each other they “absolutely” sh…
Premier Danielle Smith blasts media for old comments she made 30 minutes ago
EDMONTON – Alberta’s premier accused members of the media for using “ancient” comments she made approximately 30 minutes ago in a press conference. “I made these statements about Ukrainians…
Out of respect to victims’ families, Ryan Murphy to donate portion of Dahmer profits to anyone who ever watched Glee
LOS ANGELES – In response to criticism of insensitivity toward victims, Dahmer showrunner Ryan Murphy has vowed to donate a portion of his series profits to anyone who ever watched Glee. “I see n…
Alberta Premier Danielle Smith honours oppressed anti-vaxxers by marking 2 minutes of coughing
EDMONTON – Honouring those who refused to be vaccinated, newly sworn-in Premier Danielle Smith has called for two minutes of coughing to recognize their overlooked contributions to overwhel…
Hockey Canada board resigns in deference to real victims: Tim Hortons, Nike and Canadian Tire
TORONTO – Hockey Canada’s CEO and board of directors have resigned and finally acknowledged the true victims of a long ordeal that has damaged the sport’s reputation – its corporate s…
Lisa LaFlamme enjoys reporting on life of woman who got to keep job beyond age 58
LONDON – City TV News special correspondent Lisa LaFlamme is said to be enjoying her new role covering the life and career of a woman who was able to stay in her position well past the age …
CTV News execs wish they’d employed a politically savvy senior editor to warn them Lisa LaFlamme story would be a big deal
TORONTO – As they face their second week of backlash over their choice to fire national anchor Lisa LaFlamme, CTV News execs say they wish they’d had someone on their staff with years…
“I’m pro-life, but…” says guy about to discover he is pro-choice
SUDBURY, ON – Local man Nick Jacobs declared this weekend that he was confident in his pro-life stance despite making every pro-choice argument there is. Eight minutes after arriving at his…
Feminist Ally only calls his girlfriend hysterical when she is actually on her period
SUDBURY, ON – Proud feminist Brad Daniels revealed that he only uses “hysterical”, a term that labels emotional women as hormonal, when it really is his girlfriend’s time of the month. Brad…
