WASHINGTON D.C. – After banning press outlets including CNN, MS Now, and Politico, President Donald Trump has removed numerous other journalists, leaving only those he trusts to portray him in the most flattering light.
“Those of you left, you’re the only ones who will report the truth about how I am winning the trade war with Canada, as well as the war in Iran,” explained Trump to the mostly empty room.
As Secret Service members ejected Fox News Senior White House Correspondent Jacqueline Heinrich for “looking at Trump funny”, the president fielded hard-hitting questions from Joe Rogan, Dave Portnoy of Barstool Sports, and his own deputy chief of staff in a Spirit Halloween moustache.
At press time the president was considering whittling the Press Corps down to just his official court jester, Marco Rubio.
