OTTAWA – With anti-American counter-tariffs taking effect as of September 8th, Canadians will be forced to make due without easy market access to their most-purchased American products, namely chrome balls to hang from the rear of one’s pickup truck.
Prime Minister Mark Carney did not mince words about the sacrifices Canadians will now face due to the precisely targeted counter-tariffs he has levied against all American vehicle-related testicles.
“The United States have levied huge cost increases onto their own citizens by tariffing crucial Canadian goods, such as softwood lumber, aluminum, and automobiles,” explained Carney. “In return, we Canadians will be forced to make difficult choices regarding America’s chief export: the heavy metal ballsacks known as ‘truck nutz’.”
“While it will now be far more difficult to signify to the world that ‘this truck is a boy’, this is a sacrifice that we Canadians shall endure to protect our sovereignty.”
Carney went on to outline several other distinctly American products that would now face steep counter tariffs, including Larry The Cable Guy DVDs, cheese from a spray can, ‘Female Body Inspector’ t-shirts, denim ballcaps with bottle openers in the brim, diarrhea lettuce, asbestos, type-2 diabetes, and inferior versions of chocolate bars.
The Prime Minister noted that most American flag merchandise would not be counter tariffed, as it is entirely manufactured in China.
