McDonalds, D.C. – US President Donald Trump has added to his list of pardons another well-known criminal, McDonald’s mascot The Hamburglar.
“He is a really great guy, this guy,” stated Trump while taking questions earlier this week. “I think he was badly misunderstood, he likes the burgers, we all love the burgers. Couldn’t be a nicer guy, people think he steals them all for himself but he gives a lot out, probably. They are giving out way too much food at these places, they need to be closed down, they take a lot of money, these kids.”
Trump faced some criticism for the move as the Hamburglar did not only seem to be unrepentant about his decades of stealing, but also promised to continue to hoard all the burgers in McDonaldland as soon as possible.
Trump had pardoned the kleptomaniac after Grimace had just attended a $1 million dollar per plate event whereupon only days later the Hamburglar was released with little public support.
“You gotta love the Grimace,” said Trump when asked about his ties with the purple monster. “He’s a really jolly guy, very generous the Grimace. Good friends with Ronald, he’s the Ron I am the Don, we’re two of a kind. He had often talked about crooked Hilary who he went to High School with, always a problem, the schools got those problems. We need to close those schools.”
While reporters continued to ask questions about McDonalds, Trump seemed to only want to talk about their competitor, Burger King.
“This McDonalds stuff, are people still talking about it, really? How about this Burger King, now there’s a guy who is no king. A bad king, really bad guy, bad guys these Burger King guys. People love that pizza though, they are always eating it, never crust first for some reason, no one ever talks about that. Or the Rick and Morty sauce, they did it once, who has all that sauce, where are they keeping it, we’re gonna look into that.”
Trump will likely be facing more heat in the next few weeks after it was revealed he plans to give pardons to other well-known criminals like The Noid, Joe Camel, and Jared Fogler.
