TORONTO – In response to a growing rash of armed robberies throughout the city, Toronto Police advised Canada’s banks to leave a big pile of money at the door of every branch to avoid being…
Tag: crime
Fired employee indicted for stealing from workplace
MIAMI – A former employee of the United States federal government who was let go due to extreme incompetence has just been indicted on charges of stealing from his erstwhile employer. Donal…
Canadian Gangsters finding it difficult to suffocate people with reusable bag
OTTAWA – With single-use plastic bags becoming harder to come by in Canada many of the nation’s mafioso, made men, and goons report that reusable bags are not as practical at asphyxia…
Canada’s criminals having trouble keeping up with all of Canada’s new gun laws
OTTAWA – With the federal government mulling further changes to definitions in The Firearms Act that could affect the legality of numerous categories of currently non-restricted rifles, Can…
FBI confirms everything seized in Mar-a-Lago raid very, very sticky
PALM BEACH, FL – FBI agents who recently participated in the raid on former President Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort have revealed to the press that while they are still sifting through the relevance …
Study finds most criminals die without ever pulling off one last job
TORONTO – A recent study from the University of Toronto has confirmed that the majority of career criminals die without ever completing one last heist. “This ground-breaking study followed …
Supply chain issues continue to flummox nation’s “guys who know a guy”
VANCOUVER – Distributors continue to struggle with supply chain issues as economies reopen around the world. As a result, Canadians can expect to be waiting longer and paying more whether s…
True-Crime Podcaster is a little too excited that friend is missing
Hamilton, Ontario – Friends and family are asking for any information about the disappearance of Thomas McQuade, no one more so than acquaintance and true crime podcaster, Leigh Hallwood. “…
Trump definitely going to jail, claims reporter who’s new here
NEW YORK CITY – With numerous devastating charges laid against the Trump Organization by New York prosecutors, the 45th President of the United States is certain to spend the rest of his li…
Man still in jail for weed congratulates Marco Muzzo on getting parole for killing 4
Toronto East Detention Centre – Inmate Miles Brown, who has been incarcerated for several years for selling marijuana before that was the government’s job, said he was happy for Marco Muzzo…