GRAND FORKS, BC – Police have charged 45-year-old Otis Claypool with criminal negligence after he left two milk crates filled with vinyl records inside his hot van for nearly an hour. “Leaving 12…
Tag: crime
President Trump pardons the Hamburglar
McDonalds, D.C. – US President Donald Trump has added to his list of pardons another well-known criminal, McDonald’s mascot The Hamburglar. “He is a really great guy, this guy,” stated Trum…
Police recommend calling 911 a few days before crime
TORONTO – Toronto Police announced a bold new initiative aimed at streamlining emergency response and reducing delays due to 911 hold times. The public is now encouraged to call 911 severa…
‘Calgary Stab-pede’ merch already sold out
CALGARY – Following a shocking spate of non-fatal stabbings at this year’s Calgary Stampede, reports are that the even has already sold out of hastily-commissioned “Calgary Stab…
Trump wins 100% of the vote in guilty verdict
NEW YORK CITY, NY – Former US President Donald Trump has won 100% of the vote in his hush money trial as a jury reached the unanimous verdict of guilty on all 34 charges. Trump has been con…
Felony conviction first thing Trump has earned in whole life
MANHATTAN, NY – With Donald Trump becoming the first president in United States history to be found guilty of criminal charges, observers note that this felony conviction is also the first …
Toronto Police advise banks to leave big pile of money at the door to avoid being robbed
TORONTO – In response to a growing rash of armed robberies throughout the city, Toronto Police advised Canada’s banks to leave a big pile of money at the door of every branch to avoid being…
Fired employee indicted for stealing from workplace
MIAMI – A former employee of the United States federal government who was let go due to extreme incompetence has just been indicted on charges of stealing from his erstwhile employer. Donal…
Canadian Gangsters finding it difficult to suffocate people with reusable bag
OTTAWA – With single-use plastic bags becoming harder to come by in Canada many of the nation’s mafioso, made men, and goons report that reusable bags are not as practical at asphyxia…
Canada’s criminals having trouble keeping up with all of Canada’s new gun laws
OTTAWA – With the federal government mulling further changes to definitions in The Firearms Act that could affect the legality of numerous categories of currently non-restricted rifles, Can…
