WASHINGTON D.C. – In a 6-3 ruling, the United States Supreme Court ruled that former President Donald Trump not only has full immunity from prosecution for any gun murders he might commit, …
Tag: USA
Supreme Court issues token reasonable ruling
WASHINGTON, DC ―As part of their ongoing mission to fool ridiculously gullible centrists into thinking that their rulings are rooted in respectable legal theory and not right-wing dogma, the Supr…
Trump clarifies abortion stance as “whatever will convince you, personally, to vote for me”
PALM BEACH, FL – In a video statement taped at his Mar-a-Lago country club, former President Trump assured voters that his firmly held stance on abortion is also whatever stance will create…
Republicans claim Taylor Swift part of vast liberal conspiracy to make Americans watch football
KANSAS CITY, KS – Across the United States conservative commentators have uncovered a plot by pop megastar Taylor Swift, along with her current boyfriend, Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce, to …
Local intellectual pumped to spend two weeks saying, “Um, I think you mean American Thanksgiving”
VANCOUVER – Local genius and free thinker Andy Hammond is amped to spend the next several weeks reminding his American friends and relatives that the holiday they are about to celebrate in …
Florida student arrested after accidentally using wrong gender articles in Spanish class
LAKE CITY, FL ― A 10th-grade student has been taken into custody after she asked a friend to borrow “una bolígrafo” despite having been clearly taught that pens are male and should only be refere…
Crazy! Latest mass shooting ridiculously blamed on easy access to things that shoot
U.S.A. – In another ‘you have to read it to believe it’ situation, a few wacky experts are blaming the latest mass shooting on the shooter’s easy access to things that shoot. Seriously! I mean, w…
DeSantis denounces woke soap companies that encourage consumers to “apply liberally”
TALLAHASSEE, FL. ― In an interview this week, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis took aim at the tyrannical sellers of hygiene and personal care products who routinely attempt to convert people to lib…
Kamala Harris criticized for spending too much time on side quests
Anywhere but Washington, D.C. – American Vice President Kamala Harris has received criticism for spending too much time on side quests rather than dealing with finishing the main story. “It…
Following Speaker victory, Kevin McCarthy confident it will be “smooth sailing from here”
WASHINGTON D.C. – With Kevin McCarthy emerging victorious late Friday night in his bid to become the House Speaker with a resounding 49.7 percent of the vote, he now carries a clear mandate from …