WASHINGTON DC – Despite having almost two-years to get it done, a highly caffeinated Special Counsel Robert Mueller was seen furiously typing away at his computer, after only just getting s…
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Mafia leaders granted DPA after government claims their business could lose 9,000 jobs
MONTREAL – A major business in the drug trafficking, gambling, murder, loan sharking, extortion, and racketeering industry have been granted a deferred prosecution agreement after lobbying …
Rest of country to Vancouver: We get it, you have good sushi
VANCOUVER – An official statement from the rest of Canada addressed to the city of Vancouver was released yesterday, acknowledging that while the quality and taste of the municipality’s Jap…
Scheer claims reports he endorsed Pizzagate merely distraction from important issue of whether Trudeau is Fidel Castro’s son
OTTAWA – Conservative leader Andrew Scheer is fighting back against reports that he endorsed the absurd Pizzagate conspiracy theory by saying the left wing media is merely trying to distrac…
SNC-Lavalin responds to corruption charges: ‘We’re still the most law-abiding company in Montreal’
MONTREAL – Engineering company SNC Lavalin held a press conference this week, claiming that despite corruption charges, they are still “by far the most honest company in Montreal.” Company …
Team of Mascots arrive from the future to kill Gritty before he gets too powerful
PHILADELPHIA – Mayhem broke out at the Wells Fargo Center this evening, when a Flyers practice was interrupted as an interdimensional portal opened up with several grizzled looking NHL masc…
Ontario Healthcare system cuts budget by using Flintstones chewable vitamins for everything
TORONTO – Ontario Hospitals and Pharmacies formally announced their plans to cut costs and benefit the taxpayer by switching all medicines and therapies to Flintstones chewable vitamins. “T…
7 Millennial job-hunting strategies that aren’t just lying down and waiting for death to take you
The job market sure is depressing these days – from growing automation, to the gig economy, to the inevitable climate change apocalypse that will render everything you do meaningless anyway. But …
Yes, nauseous woman is sure she’s not pregnant
TORONTO – In a revelation that shocked many of her male friends and coworkers yesterday, 30-year-old Lisa Rogers assured anyone who would listen that the nausea she was experiencing was due…
Poilievre credits rising poll numbers to time-tested Conservative strategy of ‘hope the Liberals do a big scandal’
OTTAWA – Basking in the glow of polls finally turning in the Conservative Party’s direction, leader Pierre Poilievre says that, like so many Tory PMs before, he owes his success to ha…
