TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford explained to his constituents Monday that he was not able to participate in the online Pride Parade this weekend since he had pre-existing plans to log onto a …
Tag: Featured Post
Study: You’re not a Slytherin, you’re an asshole
Cambridge, MA – A recent study by the Harvard school of Witchcraft and Wizardry has revealed that being a Slytherin does not pardon you from being an asshole. “The purpose of the study was …
Freethinker! This woman found a way to criticize Trump that didn’t involve celebrating a war criminal
Genius Mode Activated! Local woman Marla Bach has written a whole facebook post criticizing Donald Trump without ever once praising George W. Bush, a man who should definitely be sent to prison f…
Trump Hotels to change name after revelation founder had history of racism
NEW YORK CITY – Trump Hotels, a luxury line of hotel accommodations across the United States, has announced that they will be immediately rebranding after stunning revelations that the chain is n…
Torontonians celebrate stage 2 of reopening by continuing to do all the things they weren’t supposed to do before
TORONTO – As Toronto moves cautiously into Phase 2 of reopening in the wake of the deadly COVID-19 Pandemic, people across the GTA celebrated by still doing all the stuff they weren’t suppo…
Billionaire child opens his first offshore piggy bank
Cayman Islands – In a right of passage for every child of the .01%, young Mister Chettington Irvine McCain Weston, 6, has been brought to the Cayman Islands in order to open his first offsh…
TTC employees admit delays “just don’t feel the same” without angry commuters
TORONTO – After coronavirus has resulted in the TTC having it’s daily ridership cut in half, TTC employees have reported that they deeply miss the feeling of inconveniencing a million peopl…
Report: your screen time was down 9% from last week for an average of 14 hours a day
OTTAWA – After spending 16 hours and 15 minutes per day on your phone last week early reports from your iPhone screen time alert indicate that number is down to a marginally less alarming 1…
As U.S. celebrates 155 years since end of slavery, Canada celebrates 153 years of pretending we never had slavery
OTTAWA – Yesterday the U.S. commemorated Juneteenth, the day widely regarded as marking the official end of slavery in the U.S., and today Canada is preparing to celebrate our 153rd straigh…
Police baffled why public turned on them after countless murders
NASHVILLE – Police officers across North America are scared and confused by the feeling that public opinion has turned against them for no reason other than the countless unpunished murders…
