MISSISSAUGA — Kristin has been out of work since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, and has been receiving $2000 monthly payments as part of the Canada Emergency Response Benefit. She recently a…
Tag: Featured Post
Rookie MLB player achieves dream of playing in front of 45,000 empty seats
NEW YORK – Yankees rookie Chris Buford realised a lifelong dream yesterday after stepping onto the field in front of more than 45,000 empty plastic seats in his MLB debut. “It’s incredible,…
Americans fleeing COVID try to sneak into Canada by disguising themselves as NHL players
DETROIT/WINDSOR BORDER – As NHL teams have made the journey to the league’s two bubble cities of Edmonton and Toronto, many Americans attempting to escape the pandemic have taken to disguis…
“I finally feel like me again,” says Ford after introducing anti-tenant legislation, blaming young for COVID spike
TORONTO – After months of behaving like a different, more competent and compassionate premier, Doug Ford says he has finally found himself again this week after blaming young Ontarians̵…
Webster’s dictionary changes definition of ‘sarcasm’ to ‘I totally meant what I said but now I got in trouble for it so I’m going to backpedal’
Springfield, MA – Merriam-Webster’s dictionary has changed the definition of the term ‘sarcasm’ to ‘I totally meant what I said but now I got in trouble for it so I’m going to backpedal,’ i…
Companies furious employees choosing CERB over work briefly consider paying more
TORONTO – Companies outraged that employees would choose to take the $2,000.00 Emergency Response Benefit over returning to work 40-50 hours per week in the midst of a pandemic briefly cons…
Blue Jays offer to change name to something racist in order to find new home in U.S.
Anywhere but TORONTO – After the Toronto Blue Jays have been barred from playing in their home city and rejected by Pittsburgh, the desperate team has stated they are willing to change thei…
Doug Ford tells young people with COVID-19 to stop partying and start waiting tables indoors
TORONTO – In response to an increase in the proportion of new coronavirus infections among people in their 20s and 30s in Ontario, premier Doug Ford has urged young people to stop partying …
Fuck it. Let’s do the pros and cons of glory holes
The British Columbian Centre for Disease Control has recommended using glory holes for sexual intercourse in order to minimize the spread of COVID-19 and honestly at this point, fuck it, let’s re…
Trump introduces “choose your own adventure” pandemic protocol
Washington D.C. – As the number of COVID cases skyrockets in the United States, Trump and his administration have officially instituted a “choose your own adventure” protocol to tackling th…
