Do you feel like you have Omicron, even though you have three vaccinations, no symptoms, and haven’t stepped outside your foyer barricade since 2020? Don’t be ridiculous, you definitely have it. …
Tag: COVID
Breaking: Ontario teachers intentionally strand themselves in snowbanks for chance to actually speak with Doug Ford
ETOBICOKE — After reports surfaced that Doug Ford was spending Toronto’s first major blizzard of the year driving around helping drivers stranded by snow in his district, school teachers fr…
Friend clearly trying to one-up your ‘I got COVID despite not going anywhere’ story
TORONTO – After you posted that you tested positive for COVID despite barely leaving the house, friends in the comments took the opportunity to advise that they too have been diagnosed with…
Novak Djokovic loses final of Australian Immigration Detention Island Open
CHRISTMAS ISLAND, AUSTRALIA – After being detained by the Australian Border Force for failing to meet the country’s vaccination requirements ahead of the Australian Open, Novak Djokovic has enter…
Kids returning to their virtual school classrooms find them smaller than they remembered
TORONTO – Wistful and nostalgic students returning to virtual school across the country were surprised to find their old classrooms were smaller than they seemed in previous years. “Man, th…
“Sure Omicron may be 100% more infectious, but it’s 15% less deadly so everything will be fine,” says man who is real good at math
Red Deer, AB – As data comes forward indicating the Omicron variant is twice as infectious as Delta but possibly causes 10-15% less deaths amidst those it infects, local math expert Dalton …
Kenney encourages Albertans to superspread holiday cheer by allowing unvaccinated gatherings
EDMONTON – As Alberta heads into what will assuredly be the 5th wave of the Pandemic, Premier Jason Kenney announced Wednesday that he would be relaxing indoor gathering restrictions ahead …
Doug Ford starting to feel like he should maybe look into this whole Omicron thing
TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford is said to be considering taking “a big look” at the Omicron variant that is currently causing Ontario’s COVID case numbers to explode. “…
Ford: when I blamed young people for spreading COVID, I specifically meant my daughter Krista
TORONTO – Walking back his comments from several months ago that young Ontarians are responsible for rising COVID case counts, Premier Doug Ford clarified that it’s not all young peop…
Fake doctors take brave stand against real medicine
VANCOUVER – The B.C. College of Chiropractors, firmly rejecting the scientific method in favor of treatment by loud bone-cracking sounds, voted overwhelmingly against a vaccine mandate at t…