Martial arts film buff unimpressed by muggers’ fight choreography
TORONTO – Gary Michaels, head of the Toronto Kung-Fu Fan Club, was shocked by the disordered and poorly choreographed mugging he experienced last Thursday night. “Well first of all, t…
Shocked at daycare shooting, Canadians wonder which US state Gatineau is in
OTTAWA – Disturbed Canadians took to the internet to voice their thoughts about the breaking story involving gun violence at a daycare in Gatineau today, but were confused about where Gatineau wa…
Rest of world hasn’t got time for North Korea’s BS
WORLD – In response to the North Korean Worker’s Party recent “final authorization” for a nuclear strike against US targets, the roughly 6.975-billion people living outsid…
3 innings into opening night, city of Toronto remembers how boring baseball is
TORONTO – After a frenzied offseason that featured huge trades, marquee free agent signings, and an excitement in the Blue Jays not seen since their back to back World Series championships,…
None of this would have happened had you flossed
By Dr. W. Scott Harrington Look, we’ve been through this many times: brush your teeth in the morning and at night, don’t eat sugary foods and floss daily. I hate to sound like a broke…
Son, it’s time I told you about your father’s and my sex life
By Jeanette Francis Listen son, I know that this is the sort of thing that you’re not usually supposed to talk about with your children, but mama’s had a couple of wines and you’re cornered in th…
Young conservative man unable to contain sexual attraction to Justin Trudeau
OTTAWA – Although he is violently opposed to Justin Trudeau’s political party’s leanings, Jeffrey Soloman, a 23-year-old Conservative Party supporter, is unable to contain his sexual attrac…
Ralph Klein’s death makes Canadians think they liked Ralph Klein
CALGARY – In the wake of Friday’s passing of legendary Alberta premier Ralph Klein, Canadians from across the country have come together to mourn, celebrate a life, and praise a man they ar…
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