Pope Francis really hoping new job will finally get him laid
Vatican City – Less than a month since being elected as God’s chosen disciple on earth, Pope Francis said he welcomed the pressure and responsibility that comes with such an illustrio…
Toronto zoo welcomes arrival of two Chinese prisoners
TORONTO – The Metro Toronto Zoo announced Monday that they had received two Chinese inmates to carry out a 5 year sentence as part of an exchange program with the government of China. The c…
Mayor Ford unveils bold new double vision for Toronto
TORONTO – Hoping to build momentum and political capital in the new year, Mayor Rob Ford recently unveiled his new double vision plan for the city. “We’re gonna totally end this fucking gravy tra…
15-page paper apparently the only thing in local student’s life
TORONTO – Recent reports from concerned friends and family have confirmed that the entirety of UofT student Kelly Statler’s existence is evidently now being taken up by a 15-page paper on s…
Federal Budget 2013: A Closer Look
How will the Harper Government balance the budget in the next 10 years? The chart is interactive. Try mousing over the slices or legend entries.…
Antitrust Investigation reveals Westboro Baptist Church actually a subsidiary of Disney
ORLANDO – A recent investigation by the US Department of Justice has revealed that the deplorable hate group known as the “Westboro Baptist Church” is a wholly-owned subsidiary of the marginally …
China finds Keystone XL environmental worries ‘Adorable’
BEIJING – The Keystone Pipeline, which is proposed to deliver crude oil from the Athabasca oil sands region in Alberta, Canada to Illinois, Oklahoma and the gulf coast of Texas, has been th…
Hyphen fails to become dash
TORONTO – While working late into the evening on an overdue philosophy essay using Microsoft Word, university student Michael Stefanescu’s hyphen failed to become a dash. “Lette…
