New Catholic cereal contains 50% of your daily recommended moral fibre
THE HOLY SEE – The Catholic Church has released a new breakfast cereal, Eucharisps, that contains 50% of your daily moral fibre. The church claims the crispy wafer-chip cereal is blessed, infalli…
Disney defends Depp’s role as Native American: ‘We were unable to find a dark-skinned Italian’
LOS ANGELES – After the first night of Disney’s The Lone Ranger premiere, the mass media corporation that produced the western classic remake responded to concerns regarding their casting choice …
Man mistakes birth control pills for mints
EDMONTON – Attempting to seduce his girlfriend after a garlic-heavy dinner, local man Spencer Jones helped himself to some of the lozenges that he found beside her bed- a decision sources s…
90% of RCMP attempt to retire on high note immediately after BC terror arrests
VANCOUVER – In the aftermath of the successful arrest of two would-be terrorist bombers on Canada Day, the vast majority of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Force consider their careers having p…
When will I ever need these equations in real life?
By Stephen Hawking A few days ago I stumbled across a major empirical inconsistency in the apsidal precession predicted by Einstein’s general theory of relativity. As I finished writing dow…
UPDATE: After yet another terrorist bust, RCMP Stetson hats now too small to fit ego
VICTORIA – After successfully stopping an attempted Canada Day terrorist attack that could have potentially killed many, marking their second major bust in 2013, the RCMP announced that the curre…
Concertgoers stunned as rock band returns to stage following curtain call and resumes playing
CLEVELAND – Following a 2-hour show by indie rock group Afterglow Green, local concertgoers were absolutely dumbfounded as the musicians returned to the stage and played new, additional son…
Texas executes 500th inmate, gets free sub
AUSTIN – The state of Texas passed a milestone last week, executing its 500th inmate since the Supreme Court overturned the ban on capital punishment in 1982, earning the state a free foot-…
Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger tie the knot in France on Canada Day
Rock music couple Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger are now husband and wife, the pair having reportedly married on Canada Day, with a Canada-themed wedding, in the South of France. What’s your say?…
Local dad pretty sure firework should have exploded by now
BRANDON, MB – Seeing as it’s been a good five or ten minutes since he lit his Roman candle, local dad Brook Jensen reports that he’s “almost certain” that the shell …
