Elevator mechanics strike causes city wide outbreak of sitcom premise
VANCOUVER – The recently resolved strike of all elevator mechanics and repairmen caused a rash of tired sitcom tropes and recycled plot lines to break out across the city. “I was stuck in a…
Fired Sun reporter to try his hand at journalism
After being let go from the Toronto Sun, a former news reporter will now try to obtain employment as an actual journalist. “I’m pretty upset,” said Tyler Lyon, a victim of Tuesday’s corporate cut…
Harper hopes shuffle will improve cabinet sex life
OTTAWA – Attempting to spice things up in Ottawa, Prime Minister Stephen Harper unveiled a wide-ranging overhaul of his executive government on Monday, a move the P.M. is quite hopeful will…
Loblaw purchases Shoppers Drug Mart, forgets to use Optimum card
TORONTO – Loblaw Cos. proudly announced today the $12.4 billion acquisition of Shoppers Drug Mart Corp. in a move that has merged two of Canada’s biggest retailers but failed to provide any…
Perroquet retiré du Biodôme de Montréal après avoir appris trop d’anglais
Montréal – L’ara rouge du Biodôme de Montréal sera déporté au Zoo de Toronto vendredi prochain après n’avoir parlé qu’en anglais lors d’une inspection du gouvernement du Québec.…
BREAKING: Trayvon Martin found guilty in murder of Trayvon Martin
SANFORD, FL – After deliberating for more than 16 hours, a jury on Saturday evening found George Zimmerman not guilty in the shooting death of Trayvon Martin, opting instead to find the una…
Parrot removed from Montreal Biodome after learning too much English
MONTREAL – The Montreal Biodome’s Scarlet macaw will be deported to the Toronto Zoo next Friday after she only spoke English during a government inspection. The parrot – known as “Bou…
Phaneuf advances to next round of relationship despite poor last-minute play
SUMMERFIELD, PE – With his wedding to actress Elisha Cuthbert, Leafs captain Dion Phaneuf has officially advanced to the next round of his relationship despite a poor last-minute performanc…
