CBC renews ‘the news’ for another season
TORONTO — In spite of massive budget cuts and the cancellation of several long-running programs, including the flagship Hockey Night in Canada and George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight, the CBC recent…
Hero Cat appointed Bakersfield deputy sheriff
BAKERSFIELD, CA – The “Hero Cat” who saved a young boy from a vicious dog attack in Bakersfield, California has been appointed deputy sheriff of Bakersfield. “Tara” the cat, who…
Newark area Best Western worried it may never relive glory of 2010 Champion Customer Care Award
NEWARK — After being snubbed by the Best Western International® Awards Committee for the fourth consecutive year, the staff at a local Best Western feared it may never recapture the fleeting glor…
LaRonde apologizes for fingerprint admission, reverts back to feeling you up at admission gate
MONTREAL – Montreal’s amusement park LaRonde has issued an apology for breaking the Quebec’s privacy protocols by collecting visitors’ fingerprint data and will be returning to its policy o…
Nation unsure if container in fridge contains margarine or leftovers
CANADA – Millions of Canadians who opened their fridge today looking for the margarine were unsure if the round container they found enclosed actual margarine or leftovers from past meals. …
Olivia Chow Unveils Transit Plan: 5.2 Million–Seater Tandem Bike
Toronto mayoral candidate Olivia Chow has shaken up the race today by unveiling her official transit plan: a 5.2 million–seater tandem bike designed to accommodate every man, woman, and child in …
Doug Ford blames Autism Youth Home comments on Rob Ford’s alcoholism
TORONTO – After alleging that a youth home helping children cope with autism was “ruining the neighbourhood” City Councillor Doug Ford took full responsibility for his comments today, by bl…
Family spends entire long weekend stuck in traffic
TORONTO – The Warringtons of Toronto, Ontario got away from the big city over the long weekend by sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic as a family. “This was a bonding experience for us,” sa…
Hazel McCallion endorses Liberals, O’Carthy’s Immortality Serum
MISSISSAUGA, ON – Citing a lack of other credible candidates and a smooth-drinking, life-extending flavour, 93-year-old Mississauga Mayor Hazel McCallion has thrown her influence behind bot…
Tim Hortons celebrates 50 years of exploiting national identity for profit
HAMILTON, ON – International restaurant chain Tim Hortons is celebrating 50 years of instilling and manipulating contrived patriotic sentiment in Canadian consumers towards their brand coff…
