Woman uses optimum points to buy morning after pill
TORONTO – Local woman Laura Daniels was low on cash when she went to Shoppers’ Drugmart to buy emergency contraception, so she decided to use the 50,000 optimum points she had accumulated since f…
Jack Ryan to avenge Tom Clancy’s death
BALTIMORE – After the passing of renowned author of several espionage and military thrillers, CIA analyst Jack Ryan is vowing revenge on whoever killed him. “Tom was one of my most trusted …
Kingston Pen institutes ‘Adopt-an-Inmate’ program to find prisoners new homes
KINGSTON – Correctional Service Canada has instituted an adoption program to find new prisons for the 494 inmates currently held at Kingston Penitentiary when the facility closes after 178 …
REPORT: Dudes called ‘Boomer’ nearing extinction
OTTAWA – A report issued yesterday by the International Institute for Endangered Nicknames announced that the global population of dudes nicknamed “Boomer” has reached an all ti…
Political blizzard closes US government, schools remain open
WASHINGTON – One million US federal employees will stay at home today and possibly longer after Congress announced government closure in the wake of an ongoing nationwide political blizzard…
City of Montreal bans public places near smokers
MONTREAL – After agreeing that city parks, restaurants and museums are making it increasingly difficult for Montrealers to light up cigarettes without moral hesitation, the Montreal City Council …
UofT students shocked to discover white, male authority figure has prejudices
TORONTO – The recent controversial statements of noted author David Gilmour have dumbfounded the students of University of Toronto who had, until that time, intrinsically trusted all Caucas…
Blue Jays playing last game to catch up to Expos
TORONTO – The Blue Jays’ playoff push may have ended 160 games ago but on the baseball season’s final day, there is still hope that they can finish ahead of the Montreal Expos. “It’s been a…
When Elections Canada was investigating me, I shouldn’t have challenged them to charge me
DEAN DEL MASTRO, MP FOR PETERBOROUGH I’ve had some time since I resigned from the Conservatives to reflect on what happened and I’m starting to think that provoking Elections Canada to issue char…
