World’s nations ask if it’s too late to boycott Sochi Olympics
WASHINGTON – In response to increased Russian support of Ukrainian rebels, a coalition of world powers have announced that they will inquire whether it is too late to boycott the Sochi Winter Oly…
Artistic elephant paints vivid description of how he was forced to paint by zoo officials
BANGKOK – A three year old Asian elephant named Mai-Mai has created several abstract paintings portraying his abuse by zoo keepers who forced the gentle giant to paint to entertain tourists…
Report: Stagecoach road trip was a terrible idea
MONTREAL — College friends Steve Bolan, Mark Cho and Doug Guinty reported yesterday after completing a road trip from Toronto to Montreal that taking on 700 kilometres of carefree highway would h…
Chinese cyber spies disappointed by Canada’s complete lack of scientific research
BEIJING – Chinese state-sponsored hackers were disappointed after hacking into Canadian government and business research archives and discovering they contained little to no valuable inform…
Study: 9 out of 10 people on fire don’t care about conflict in Middle East
EDMONTON – A new study has found high levels of apathy among Canadians towards the ongoing violence and chaos in Gaza, as 90% of individuals whose skin was currently ablaze with flames said…
Monsanto patents more efficient version of Dave
SECRET LAB, MOJAVE DESERT – Scientists and humanitarians the world over were astonished and appalled today, as the international biotechnology corporation, Monsanto, announced that they wer…
July 26, 1814: Heroic chocolatier Laura Secord defeats American forces with type 2 diabetes
QUEENSTON, UPPER CANADA – The prolonged American occupation of the Niagara Frontier ended last night after the majority of US troops withdrew thanks to the many sugar-rich, nutrient poor ch…
Feds drop Cancer Society’s charitable status after determining organization is politically biased against cancer
OTTAWA – The federal government has removed the Canadian Cancer Society’s charitable status after an CRA audit revealed the organization was conducting political activities with a strong pr…
Jason Kenney accuses SPCA of anti-Semitism after taking soft stance on Israel
OTTAWA – Minister of Employment Jason Kenney has had enough of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals long history of remaining silent on Israeli-Palestinian affairs. “Listen, I don…
