MADAWASKA-RESTIGOUCHE, N.B. – After having his riding ripped from his hands, his livelihood destroyed, and his power stolen, Bernard Valcourt, the outgoing Minister of Aboriginal Affairs, has fi...
90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party
WINNIPEG – For the first time in his long life, habitual abstainer Jack Pilman will cast a ballot in a Canadian election, throwing his support behind the Social Credit party. “Normally I just le...
Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
TORONTO – In a last minute gamble for GTA seats, the Conservative Party unveiled a new attack ad over the weekend suggesting Liberal leader Justin Trudeau wanted the Kansas City Royals to defeat...
Die hard Conservative changes vote after being called “Asshole” on Facebook
MEDICINE HAT, AB – Local welder and Tory supporter Greg Rashovich has abruptly decided to switch his vote to the NDP party after being called an “asshole” on Facebook via status updates, blogs, ...
Anthropologists radiocarbon date current Conservative platform to 18th century
LONDON, ON — A group of scientists from the University of Western Ontario have successfully radiocarbon dated the Conservative Party’s platform ideas and policies to sometime around the 1780s. “...
Justin Trudeau yet to memorize lines for October production of ‘Oklahoma!’
MONTREAL – While performing well in the final week of the federal election campaign, Liberal leader Justin Trudeau has yet to learn all of his lines for a community theatre production of popula...
Series of squiggly lines on graph to determine swing voter’s choice
SURREY — A series of coloured squiggly lines presented on a neat graph will determine how many undecided voters will cast their ballot. Becky Lui, 27, is having a hard time determining which abs...
Globe and Mail heroically defend country’s most vulnerable rich by endorsing Conservatives
TORONTO — In what is being called an act of steadfast principle to the nation’s vulnerable wealthy class, the Globe and Mail has endorsed the Conservative Party for the 2015 federal election. “T...
Lancaster bomber annihilates Berlin for old time sake
YORKSHIRE, UK — An iconic World War II bomber has brought back many old memories after it dropped a 14,000 lbs payload of incendiaries and high explosives over Germany’s capital some 70 years af...
Rob Ford signs multi-thousand dollar tracksuit sponsorship deal
TORONTO — Former Toronto mayor Rob Ford has just announced a lucrative multi-thousand dollar tracksuit deal with Adidas. After recently having signed NBA heartthrob James Harden, Adidas’ is look...
