CANADA – With All Hallows’ Eve approaching and 100 new moons having passed since her last engagement with the blood demon Vasnarskabb, Globe and Mail columnist Margaret Wente has renewed h...
Temporary foreign robots to replace domestic robots that replaced human workers
OTTAWA — Several Canadian manufacturing companies announced that the domestic robots that replaced thousands of Canadian workers will be replaced by temporary foreign robots. Canada’s new and co...
Man born with giant paper-maché head ready for another Halloween
SURREY, BC — After a year of self-imposed exile, Daniel Gauthier, a man with a strange and rare genetic condition, plans to emerge from his home. Every October 31st, Gauthier, who was born with ...
Ghostbusters respond to abandoned Ottawa mansion haunted by previous prime ministers
OTTAWA — The National Capital Commission has called in professional paranormal exterminators to deal with several poltergeists haunting the now-derelict official residence of the Prime Minister ...
Anthopolous rejects Rogers contract after realizing it only comes with 150 long distance minutes
TORONTO – The Blue Jays have announced the departure of General Manager Alex Anthopolous due to a contract dispute in which Rogers was only able to promise him 150 long distance minutes. “Are th...
Bombardier develops new jet capable of breaking government bailout barrier
MIRABEL — In an effort the revolutionize the Canadian aerospace industry, Bombardier Inc. has been tirelessly working to break the taxpayer investment barrier with a newer version of the CSeries...
Confused ventriloquist can’t find favourite dummy or carving knife
DEER CREVICE, ON – Despite searching nearly everywhere, professional ventriloquist Alfred “The Amazing” de Lancy cannot find his best dummy, “Buster”, or the gleaming 8-inch kitchen knife that u...
Canada Post hires former FLQ members to blow up community mailboxes
MONTREAL — In what will be a tremendous task of removing thousands of community mailboxes, Canada Post has hired former members of Quebec’s defunct separatist paramilitary group to destroy them....
Full-grown snake only 4th most terrifying thing in bar bathroom
DEER CREVICE, ON – A group of university students reportedly received their 4th biggest shock of the night after discovering a full-grown snake inside the washroom of local dive bar, “Arty’s”. “...
