CLARINGTON, ON — Starbucks locations from across Canada are marking November 11th by festively reminding customers that the Holidays are only a mere seven weeks away. “We are honouring our vets ...
Trudeau names former babysitter Minister of Letting Me Stay Up to Watch the First 10 Minutes of SNL
OTTAWA – Moments after being sworn in as Canada’s 23rd Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau tapped childhood friend and former babysitter Dominic LeBlanc to be his Minister of Letting Me Stay Up To Watch Th...
Local startup hopes foosball table will distract employees from lack of benefits
VANCOUVER — Local startup CompuComp recently acquired a large foosball table for its office break room in the hopes that it would distract employees from the lack of benefits, adequate compensat...
Justin Trudeau takes drag off cigarette, adjusts leather jacket, swears in as PM
OTTAWA – Just before being sworn in as Canada’s Prime Minister, Liberal leader Justin Trudeau stood in the darkened alley by Rideau Hall and took a long puff of his cigarette before flicking it ...
Tesla updates cars with auto-road-rage feature
PAULO ALTO – On the heels of its revolutionary release of autopilot software for its Model S car, electric vehicle maker Tesla Motors has complemented the innovation with an auto-road-rage mode that w...
Fuck you
BY: RT. HON. STEPHEN HARPER, FORMER PRIME MINISTER OF CANADA As my final act as Prime Minister of Canada, there is something I would like to express to all Canadians from coast-to-coast-to-coast; fuck...
50% female cabinet appointments lead to 5000% increase in guys who suddenly care about merit in cabinet
OTTAWA – With Prime Minister designate Justin Trudeau preparing to announce a cabinet that is 50% women, researchers have discovered a sharp 5000% increase in the number of men who suddenly have...
BREAKING: Police investigating after toothbrush found in child’s Halloween candy
MISSISSAUGA — Peel Regional Police are investigating after a child reportedly found a non-candy item in her trick-or-treat loot. “On the evening of the 31st, an nine-year-old child reported to h...
Hipster alien only does artisanal crop ovals
NEW MEXICO – Resident alien Credacorh Zaph has become disaffected by the mass production of crop circles over the last few decades and has turned his back on them in favour of roughly hewn but locally...
IOC announces new herniated disc throw event
LAUSANNE — The International Olympic Committee said it will be featuring the new herniated disc throw in both men and women’s categories. “For millennia, athletes have practiced this ancient art...
