Canadian ex-pats lose right to forget to vote from abroad
OTTAWA – A recent Court of Appeal ruling states that expatriate Canadians will no longer be eligible to intend to vote, then fail to “mail the thing in”, before forgetting about…
New VR headset allows viewer to experience porn from perspective of guy watching porn on computer
MONTREAL — Thanks to the numerous advances being made in the field of virtual reality, the pornographic production company Brazzers has unveiled a brand-new VR headset that finally allows viewers…
New edition of Slip ‘N Slide comes with built-in rocks
EMERYVILLE, CA – A classic summer toy for children, the Slip ‘N Slide is getting a 21st-century makeover, with the new design featuring built-in chunks of stuff that hurts the human body. “…
Hardest working senator only manages 400 vacation days per year
OTTAWA – Following recent scandals in the Upper House, workhorse Liberal senator Nick Sibbeston has rallied support by publicly revealing that he barely manages 13 months of vacation time p…
Canadian man buying groceries across the border loses right to vote
NIAGARA FALLS – After a brief shopping excursion into Buffalo, NY, a Canadian man has lost his right to vote in the next federal elections as a result of Canada’s new ex-pat voting la…
New zero-emission blood donation van powered by blood
The Canadian Blood Services added their first zero-emission vehicle to their fleet of mobile donation labs with the BlooDrive 1, a van that gets 100% of it’s energy from the human blood it collec…
Smith and Wesson unveils new shoot-ier gun
SPRINGFIELD, MA – Citing a decline in super cool firearms and wicked gunfights, weapon manufacturer Smith and Wesson has revealed a new line of shoot-ier, blast-o-riffic hand-cannons. “This…
Recently uncovered Nostradamus quatrain predicts 7-11
SALON-DE-PROVENCE, FRANCE – An international team of archaeologists has discovered a shocking Nostradamus prophecy that seems to have foretold the events of 7-11, nearly half a millennium b…
Cat just keeps getting bigger
HAMILTON, ON – Despite health risks and the recommendations of veterinarians, local cat Cheesecake has continued to be fed, and continued to grow, at an alarming rate. “I understand h…
Mom replaces dead husband while kids away at camp
ESSEX, ON – Following the unexpected death of her husband Greg, mother of two Shelly Polluck has managed to find a replacement with similar markings just days before her children return fro…
