UNDISCLOSED LOCATION, SK – Only a few short decades after the spellbinding speaker and prairie populist’s alleged death, scientists monitoring the concrete sarcophagus of John Diefenbaker warn t...
City tosses 5,000 page recycling plan into garbage
WHITEHORSE – After failing to pass a motion that would have started a curbside recycling program, the City of Whitehorse promptly disposed 5,000 pages worth of research, analysis, and recommenda...
Startupfest keynote cancelled after 14 Segway pile-up
MONTREAL — Startupfest’s keynote speaker Phil Bevan has cancelled his forthcoming conference presentation due to minor injuries sustained in a multiple-Segway collision today. Eyewitnesses say t...
99-year-old college graduate moves back in with parents
OAKLAND – Lorraine Fuller, a 99-year-old woman who just graduated college plans to move her things into her parent’s basement immediately. “Living with mom and dad is kind of my only option right now,...
Vancouver sets empty house tax to 10,000 Yuan
VANCOUVER – Shortly after the BC government yielded to Vancouver mayor Gregor Robertson’s call for a vacant home tax, the city agreed on an annual charge of ¥10,000. “Houses are for ...
Man wearing all black at night coolest person ever hit by car
VANCOUVER – After being struck by a vehicle while walking downtown in an all-black ensemble, local man Luke Dresler has been declared the coolest person ever run over by a mid-size sedan. “This ...
Bernie Sanders hammers against locked cellar doors while impostor endorses Clinton
Portsmouth, NH – Early reports have indicated that the individual who many believed was Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders was, in fact, a cleverly disguised Clinton aide while the real Bernie ...
Canada changes official lyrics to O Canada to include line ‘Fuck you, the Tenors’
OTTAWA – Following a controversial performance by The Tenors at the MLB All-Star Game, in which singer Remigio Pereira inserted the phrase “All Lives Matter” into the Canadian national anthem, t...
Tony Clement launches campaign from steps of very nice gazebo
Orrville, ON — Former federal and provincial cabinet minister Tony Clement has announced his bid to lead the Conservative Party of Canada from one of his favourite gazebos. “I have the experienc...
Parents hope guitar lessons will get son laid soon
EDMONTON – Parents of 17-year-old Matthew Hendrickson have enrolled him in guitar lessons in the hope that a rudimentary understanding of the instrument will allow him to finally lose his virgin...
