New York Times ranks Toronto as #7 best tourist destination, #1 most likely to never shut up about it
TORONTO — Torontonians are celebrating this weekend after the New York Times, America’s newspaper of record, named their city a top tourist spot for 2016, only then to name Toronto resident…
US dollar tells Canadian dollar to stop hitting itself
INTERNATIONAL – Following an early morning noogie and a brutal shoe-lacing before lunch, the USD is spending its recess telling the CAD to stop hitting itself. “Stop hitting yourself,…
Local bar’s taps just pouring flies
INNISFIL, ON – Although they’re connected to a full keg and should theoretically be pouring beer, nothing but dead and live flies have come out of the draft taps at O’Halloran’s for the las…
Local paramedic tops UberX driver rankings
TORONTO – After topping user approval rankings last week, paramedic and ambulance driver John Smallberries has been named Canada’s number one UberX driver. Users of Smallberries’ service cite his…
Wax museum features celebrities who will never visit Niagara Falls
NIAGARA FALLS — For several years, visitors of Clifton Hill have been long delighted by wax figurines of famous celebrities who will never step foot on, or be near approximation to, Niagara…
Twitter changes format to six pages double-spaced with MLA citations
SAN FRANCISCO — Twitter announced today that it will be replacing the 140 character limit on tweets with a six page, double spaced format in 12 point Times New Roman font and using MLA styl…
Yeah, but Saudi Arabia’s money never executed anyone
By: Stéphane Dion, Minister of Foreign Affairs Okay, at first glance, I’ll admit, this looks bad. Like, really, really, super crazy bad. I mean, how could I, Stephane Dion, Canada’s Foreign Affai…
Bieber continues to rebrand with 700-page treatise on postcolonial theory
As part of the ongoing rehabilitation of his image as a person and performer, Justin Bieber has written and published a monumental new work describing and suggesting remedies for the residual eff…
Yukon sues Bombardier over faulty dog-sled mass transit system
WHITEHORSE – Following a series of failures, months of delays and technical problems, the city of Whitehorse is suing Bombardier over its new dogsled-based public transit system. Transportation M…
Richard Dawkins insists his empty birthday party just proof God does not exist
LONDON – Seated alone in a TGI Fridays Bar and Grill, at an extra-large table which he himself reserved, Richard Dawkins smugly asserted that this sad tableau never would have been allowed …
