HALIFAX – Witnesses to the brutal street beatdown of a monk say that, if they weren’t sure before they certainly were now, he almost definitely doesn’t know any sort of martial art. “Oh crap, he...
Facebook introduces ‘Life Achievement Filter’ to block friends’ happiness
PALO ALTO – Facebook has announced a new setting that will keep user’s timelines free of friends’ posts regarding engagements, promotions, and trips to the gym. “We know what our users want to s...
Trump strategist Bannon claims anti-semitism charges against him are just a global Zionist conspiracy
WASHINGTON, D.C. – After being appointed President-elect Trump’s chief advisor, equal in power to the chief of staff, Breitbart News chairman Steve Bannon is claiming that the anti-semitism char...
5 war atrocities only 90s kids remember
In this Beavfeed segment Emma and Miguel take 90s kids back to their glory days, when neon colours dominated the playgrounds, and ethnic cleansing was nearly as popular as the Spice Girls....
Ottawa installs warning signs for drivers in middle of bike paths
OTTAWA – In an effort to make motorists more aware of new segregated bike lanes, the City of Ottawa has installed large warning signs in the middle of bike lanes at each intersection and at rand...
Canadian Air Force facing setbacks after several more CF-18s fucked by giant metal birds
OTTAWA – The aging Canadian Air Force suffered yet another setback today, after giant metal birds had sex with several more of its planes. “Earlier this morning, giant metal birds ploughed three...
With election over, Gary Johnson planning much needed family-vacation to Aleppo
TAOS, NM — In the wake of a long and difficult US presidential election, the failed Libertarian Party nominee, Gary Johnson, has announced that he finally has “a pretty good idea of what an Alep...
Fading stock photo star recalls when it was her face on the bus ad
FREDERICTON – With her stock model glory all but forgotten, Mary Ellesmere reflected on the height of her career when she was featured on a local bus advertisement. From humble beginnings, this ...
Kellie Leitch initiates diplomatic relations with Trump by borrowing dog whistle
OTTAWA — In a symbolic gesture aimed at demonstrating the “shared values” she hopes will serve as the foundation of strong diplomatic relations between her party and U.S. President-elect Donald ...
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