Toronto voted best city in the world by people who’ve never been anywhere else
TORONTO – Ontario’s capital has yet again been voted the greatest city in the world by those who’ve never stepped foot outside its borders. “It’s not only the fashion capital of the world, it’s a…
QUIZ: Which Saved by the Bell character are you? We desperately search for someone, anyone on this Earth, who is not Screech
Time to take a trip back to Bayside High! Which one of the coolest kids in school are you? We yearn to find a single soul amongst all of humanity who is not Screech. Our search so far has been in…
Blackberry to stop making phones, transition into palm pilots
WATERLOO – After struggling to keep sales up, Blackberry has decided it will cease making its keyboard phone so it can shift focus to manufacturing palm pilots. “Based on our 2015 research,…
Trudeau approves Pacific NorthWest LNG Pipeline, citing future job growth in disaster relief sector
Richmond, BC – The federal government has approved the $36 Billion Pacific NorthWest Liquefied Natural Gas project; an investment which is expected to eventually produce thousands of disast…
New fashion trend: turning your cut off jeans into jeans
VANCOUVER – It’s the hottest thing since ‘reverse belts’, but women across Canada are now obsessed with transforming their cut-off jeans into full-length pants. “I call them shlongs”, gushe…
Bombardier completes first delivery of horse-drawn omnibuses to TTC
TORONTO – After more than a century of delays, the TTC has received the new omnibuses it ordered to replace the aging wagons used on the Cabbagetown – St. Lawrence line. “These new om…
Montreal Mayor Denis Coderre mauled by pit bull owners
MONTREAL – Police and paramedics were called to Montreal City Hall where Mayor Denis Coderre was mauled by a group of pit bull owners protesting the breed’s ban within the city. “I heard lo…
Environment Canada requests additional funding to replace obsolete wildlife
OTTAWA – Following a disappointing lack of innovation in both the flora and fauna sectors, Environment Minister Catherine McKenna has requested additional federal funds to improve Canada…
Royals visit charity to raise awareness about Royals
Kelowna, BC – The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge took time out of their busy schedule to visit a homeless shelter to raise awareness about the Royal Family among the country’s most vulnerabl…
Journalists criticize Clinton for not moderating debate
Hempstead, NY – Following the first debate of the 2016 United States presidential race, members of the media are furious that Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton for failing to moderate the …
