Government announces plan to develop Canadian artists by inflicting tragedy upon them

  Miguel Rivas reports on Canada Council for the Arts “innovative” new approach to funding Canadian artists.…

Surgeons successfully separate conjoined pancakes

HAMILTON – After a three hour procedure, surgeons at Hamilton General Hospital have successfully separated two conjoined pancakes. Natalie Gateman, who first delivered the stuck-at-the-seam…

Local woman acting all crazy about how much society gaslights women

TORONTO – After a workplace conversation about the ways in which society teaches women their feelings and experiences aren’t valid, co-workers have concluded local woman Emma Hall is totall…

Woman tears up at wedding photo capturing moment where her arms looked thin

CALGARY—Local woman Maura Lessing has reportedly experienced a special and life-affirming moment after looking at a photo from her wedding taken at exactly the moment her arms looked very thin. “…

Report: Trump University most flawed college since Electoral College

NEW YORK – A recent review of American schools has revealed some damning details about Trump University and the Electoral College, ranking them second-to-last and last, respectively, among …

Toronto City Council approves subway extension that goes one stop then immediately runs off cliff

TORONTO – After months of debate, Toronto’s City Council has finally approved a new subway extension that will provide access to the eastern portion of the GTA before immediately plunging i…

Local woman smashes 39 wine glasses on faucet while washing dishes

MONTREAL — It was a scene of total carnage on Friday night after local woman Natasha Campbell shattered 39 wine glasses in a row on the faucet while attempting to wash them carefully. The s…

Waterproof iPhone 7 causes Uncle Ben’s Rice stock to fall

Mars Inc., the food and beverage conglomerate, saw its share price plummet 28% this morning after a preliminary fourth quarter earnings report revealed that sales of its subsidiary Uncle Ben’s Ri…

Poll: Canada remains starkly divided over milk bags versus milk jugs

OTTAWA – A new Angus-Reid poll released today has shown more Canadians are sharply divided on regional grounds over what type of milk containers they use. 96% of Canadians who live in Ontar…

CRTC decrees Tim Hortons ads meet Canadian content requirements

Toronto, ON – In an unprecedented move the Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission has allowed advertisements for the ubiquitous coffee chain Tim Hortons to be counted t…