OTTAWA – US President Donald Trump’s threat of imposing sanctions against the Canadian dairy industry has caused the federal government to increase the cheese threat to its highest level, CHEESECON 1/CONFROMAGE 1.
Agriculture Minister Lawrence MacAulay explained that all strategic reserves of ultra-filtered milk whey have been moved to a secure, tariff-proof bunker outside Oka, Quebec.
“We are concerned that radical elements within the Wisconsin cartel are pushing Trump into an all-out war with Canada,” MacAulay told reporters at an emergency press conference. “All options are on the table, but I have a direct line to [Acting Agriculture Secretary] Mike Young in Washington.”
200 tonnes of Canadian Brie, Bocconcini, Gouda, and Goat Feta have been positioned at the Canada-US border ready to be dumped into the US to deter any dairy-related aggression.
For their part, the Canadian Dairy Commission will begin screening all milk producing animals for any American influences to ensure the purity of Canadian cheeses.
Further escalating milk-based tensions between the two countries, the US Congressional cafeteria has changed its menu from ‘Canadian Cheddar’ to ‘Freedom Fromage.’