Guide To: Nova Scotia

  Nova Scotia, is it just another New Brunswick? The Beaverton Guide To is here to help with your weekly dose of educational content, Canadian Geography edition!…

Ontario economy booming after entire month without Liberal fuckup

QUEEN’S PARK – Ontario’s economy has picked up in the last month, owing in part to the Wynne government’s recent decision to stop totally cocking things up. “Ontario is creating more jobs t…

Breaking: Sleeping man unaware of oncoming traffic

VANCOUVER – On his drive from West Van to Burnaby, experienced commuter Richard Blair has fallen into a deep sleep and is completely oblivious of several rapidly approaching vehicles. “Holy…

Local woman stuck in endless “lather, rinse, repeat” recursive hair-washing loop

SHERBROOKE, QC – Closely following the instructions on a bottle of Garnier Fructis Volume Extend Fortifying shampoo that reads “lather, rinse, repeat,” a local woman is stuck in a never-end…

Shocking! Wikileaks releases documents outing Putin as a powerful, yet generous lover

  Wikileaks finally goes after Putin. For more important news, watch last night’s full episode here!…

Following criticisms, Liberals vow to legalize weed even more

OTTAWA – After sustained criticism over several dozen issues, the Liberal government has promised to solve everything by legalizing weed even more. “We saw that you were angry, so we listen…

Trump appoints Kanye West to Secretary of Caring About Black People

NEW YORK – After a meeting this week, followed by a flurry of rumours and speculation, U.S. President-elect Donald J. Trump has named Kanye West as Secretary of Caring About Black People. B…

Quiz: Which criminally negligent human on ‘Paw Patrol’ are you?

If you’re a three-year-old, then you know Paw Patrol is a morning cartoon about six delightful puppies heroically protecting the good citizens of Adventure Bay. If you’re the parent of a three-ye…

Justin Trudeau cracks down on discrimination

  Trudeau proposes new anti-transphobia bill to stop discrimination against the Trans Pacific Partnership.…

New form of male birth control just a pastrami sandwich with extra onions

CALGARY – Researchers at the University of Calgary have developed the first effective form of oral male birth control: a pastrami sandwich with extra onions. “We’re not exactly sure how it …