By Darren Anderson As you may have heard, there’s been a lot of discussion this week about the acceptability of the “n-word” after Bill Maher said it on air on Friday night. So I just want to cl...
The Beaverton Weekly Report: June 7, 2017
Every week Beaverton editor-in-chief Luke Gordon Field assembles some of the country’s best comedians and writers to talk, mock and riff their way through the news of the week. Then he puts thei...
Unbelievable! This Mandarin buffet is letting me eat as many noodles as I want
This is crazy! I’ve been sitting at this Mandarin buffet by myself for 2 hours and no one stops me from getting up and helping myself to more plates of delicious noodles. Not small plates either...
Jealous Macron angrily refreshing Trudeau-Obama coverage every five seconds
PARIS — The so-called “bromance” between former US President Barack Obama and Canadian Justin Trudeau has once again captured the world’s imagination, according to French president Emmanuel Macron, wh...
Quebec to ratify Charter if rest of Canada eats this grasshopper
QUEBEC CITY – After nearly 4 decades, the province of Quebec has vowed to finally ratify the 1982 Constitution Act, on the sole condition that the rest of the country eats this disgusting grassh...
The Beaverton renewed for season 2 after writers, cast pass brutal Canadian TV hazing rituals
TORONTO – Bell Media announced today that it has picked up satirical news sensation The Beaverton for another year after the show’s cast and crew successfully completed the demoralizing and inhu...
Report: Not one goddamned pen works in this house
YOUR HOUSE – Early reports indicate that there is not a single, goddamned pen that works in this house. The revelation became apparent immediately after you needed to write something down that w...
150 Canadians to celebrate on Canada’s sesquicentennial, except I could only think of 8
Canada’s 150th anniversary is just around the bend, and to celebrate, we’re shining the spotlight on 150 — count ‘em: 150! — noteworthy Canadians! It’s a huge number, but with a nation as great as our...
Bernier furious over lack of regulation in Conservative voting process
OTTAWA – Failed Tory leadership candidate and avowed libertarian Maxime Bernier is reportedly furious that there wasn’t proper oversight and controls in place to ensure a fair voting process at ...
The Beaverton Remembers: The Completion of The CN Tower
Where were you when Toronto unveiled the ‘definitely not a penis’ CN Tower?...
