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Blue Jays, Bautista to remain in loveless contract “for the kids”
TORONTO – The Toronto Blue Jays announced this week that the club and slugger Jose Bautista have decided to continue their loveless partnership for at least one more year, citing a shared concern…
Sheppard Line celebrates 100th rider
TORONTO – In a triumphant milestone for Toronto’s newest, shortest, and most-overlooked subway branch, the Sheppard Line today celebrated its 100th rider since opening its doors in 2002. “I…
Newfoundland taxes books after caving to powerful illiterate lobby
ST JOHN’S – Reports indicate that the Government of Newfoundland and Labrador’s decision to tax books was mostly a result of heavy lobbying from the province’s popular functionally illitera…
Man riding elliptical like it killed his family
SUDBURY, ON – Grunting audibly as the machine threatened to topple under his force, local man, Jeremy Gaston, 36, was seen riding an elliptical runner at a nearby gym this week in a way tha…
7 things you already knew about the 1990s
Fashion, music, TV. It seems everywhere you look the 1990’s are back. Unless you look at a calendar in which case you see that it’s not. Let’s take a look at what makes the 1990…
Guide To: Inauguration Day
The Beaverton begins our coverage of the presidential inauguration.…
Appearance at Trump inauguration completes Caitlyn Jenner’s transition to total asshole
LOS ANGELES – Reality TV star Caitlyn Jenner announced this week that she will appear at President-elect Donald Trump’s January 20th inauguration ceremony, completing her highly publicized transi…
Kathleen Wynne gesturing with both hands again
TORONTO – In a recent public appearance, Kathleen Wynne did that thing where she gestures with both hands again. “Oh yup, there she goes,” said local woman Jane Green. “That’s her gesture t…
Winnipeg Jets-San Jose Sharks rivalry heats up over a girl named Maria
SAN JOSE- The San Jose Sharks-Winnipeg Jets rivalry has hit a fever pitch after the Jets’ Mark Scheifele accidentally fell in love with Maria Burns – the enchanting sister of Sharks’ Brent Burns.…
