NEW YORK – Following the collapse of notorious online financial exchange site FTX, the future cellmate of finance mogul Sam Bankman-Fried was sentenced to 25 years stuck in a cell next to a twer...
Liberals plan eco-friendly burial for carbon tax
OTTAWA – With the carbon tax expected to soon meet its demise in Parliament, the Liberal party is planning an environmentally friendly burial for the departed bill. “We’re going to make su...
Easter Bunny to bring marshmallow Peeps for naughty kids
Easter Island – The Easter Bunny held a press conference yesterday to announce a radical change to the annual egg hunt tradition. Bunny is adding a moral framework to his delivery system, whereb...
Toronto Police advise banks to leave big pile of money at the door to avoid being robbed
TORONTO – In response to a growing rash of armed robberies throughout the city, Toronto Police advised Canada’s banks to leave a big pile of money at the door of every branch to avoid being robb...
Newly discovered cave paintings indicate early humans were stick men
BHOPAL, INDIA — A cache of paintings found in the Bhimbetka caves in the Indian state of Madhya Pradesh is being touted as a paradigm-shifting discovery, positing that proto-humans were actually stick...
Rogue AI found in Montreal cafe, working on their new script
Montreal, QC – Computer researchers were surprised today to find a rogue artificial intelligence, or AI, on a computer in a Montreal cafe. The researchers say that it had been quietly occupying ...
Study: Earth will never save enough daylight to retire
MILKY WAY GALAXY – A new study suggests that, despite giving up countless hours of sleep each year, the planet Earth will never accumulate enough daylight to give up its 8760-hour orbit. “With t...
In honour of Mulroney, national funeral to be privatized
MONTREAL – In a show of respect to one of Brian Mulroney’s most cherished governing principles as prime minister, his funeral will be privatized. During his nine years as prime minister, Brian M...
Poilievre threatens snap election over carbon tax hike, citing inability to maintain constant rage farming until 2025
OTTAWA – Pierre Poilievre officially introduced a non-confidence motion against Justin Trudeau’s Liberals today, hoping to topple the ruling party in a snap election because, in the opposition l...
Why is Gordan Ramsay weeping? He just learned about Jiggs’ Dinner
St. John’s, NFLD– It’s a beautiful day full of sunshine and laughter and–Oh no! What’s that? It’s celebrity chef and TV personality Gordan Ramsay, and he’s crying into a dinner napkin because someone ...
