Legal action forces restaurant to rebrand deathly hot wings as diarrhea wings

Burlington, ON – Following a class action law suit local sports bar Beer ‘n’ Birds Bar and Grill has been found guilty of false advertising after promoting their ghost pepper wings as ‘deat…

Quiz: What disappointingly bland Tim Horton’s food item are you?

From bagels to donuts to chilli to whatever potato dish they’re trying to force on people this week, Tim Hortons delights with food that ranges from ‘just fine’ to ‘nothing else is open’. T…

Fox News limits hosts to 5 sexual harassment scandal maximum

NEW YORK – Following their decision to fire popular pundit Bill O’Reilly, Fox News has announced they are setting a “hard limit” of 5 sexual harassments for all remaining on-air talent. Aft…

Dust blown off Porky’s tapes from coast to coast as nation celebrates Canadian Film Day

OTTAWA – Canadians from all across the country came together to celebrate Canadian Film Day by digging their old VHS copies of 1981 sex comedy Porky’s out from storage. “Porky’s wasn’t my f…

Trump’s Canadian dairy criticism forces federal government to declare CHEESECON 1

OTTAWA – US President Donald Trump’s threat of imposing sanctions against the Canadian dairy industry has caused the federal government to increase the cheese threat to its highest level, C…

Wife’s affair gives husband time to finally catch up on Netflix queue

Dartmouth, NS – After finding definitive proof his wife was having an extramarital affair, local husband Nathan Wexler is using his newly freed up evenings to catch up on his Netflix queue.…

Having children helps me cope with the fact I will never own a giraffe

By Stan Campull Like many of us, I had a lot of dreams that I was hoping to fulfill in my youth. A well-paying job, a nice home, a pet giraffe. You know, the American dream. But as I got older, I…

Burned out, abandoned Blue Jays bandwagon found on side of 401

COBOURG, ON – Northumberland Ontario Provincial Police are looking for leads after a charred 2015 Ford Bandwagon full of Blue Jays paraphernalia was found outside of Cobourg near the 401. &…

Inspiring! Read the tweets that brought down Mussolini

We can all agree that when history looks back at times of political unrest it is comedians, and not philosophers or political leaders that are remembered. Many might argue that it was armed resis…

Beloved character ‘Alex Jones’ jumps shark with child custody storyline

DALLAS, TX – In a jarring plot twist, beloved series InfoWars has locked its star character “Alex Jones” in a bitter legal battle for custody of his son and two daughters for the past several; ep…