TORONTO – The TTC has confirmed that the opening date for the new Toronto York-Spadina Subway Extension (TYSSE) will be the day after you graduate from York University, whenever that may be. “It...
Censorship on campus: no university will pay $5000 to listen to Dave’s opinion
Political correctness has truly gotten out of control- no university campus in the country will allow Dave to come do a highly-paid speaking engagement about his thoughts that he has. “I have opinions...
TIFF TIPS: How to finally catch Atom Egoyan and get his treasure
The Toronto International Film Festival has descended on The Six once again, and that can only mean one thing: the trickster Atom Egoyan will once again appear, and taunt media and fans alike with his...
Ben Affleck announces new film about how the CIA rescued gay men from Chechnya
Luke and panelists Jocelyn Geddie, Leonard Chan and Carol Zoccoli discuss how Trudeau finally acted like the progressive icon American media think he is by rescuing gay Chechens (2:00), plot the Ben A...
Producers of “It” reboot assure audience it won’t contain book’s infamous scene of children having gluten
LOS ANGELES – It producers want to assure potential moviegoers that the film will not contain the book’s infamous scene of a group of eleven-year-olds having gluten with each other. “As artists,...
Only comment TA leaves is just ‘the medium is the message’
TORONTO – After getting back her essay in Critical Approaches to Literature, second-year English major Justina Chu noticed that, once again, the only comment her teacher’s assistant made was, ‘t...
Local man too poor to avoid paying taxes
RIVERVIEW, NB – Sources have confirmed that local man Maurice Fitzroy will not earn enough to not pay taxes for this year despite his best efforts at trying to be wealthy enough to pursue tax co...
Compassionate judge acquits all young men charged with the kind of sexual assaults he got away with at their age
TORONTO – Justice Perry Smith wants the young white men who he routinely sees brought before him on charges of sexual assault and violence against women to know that he’s more than an impartial ...
Local activist raises awareness of crumbling infrastructure by getting crushed by chunk of city hall
Bilmington, MB- After years of activism, concerned citizen Wyatt DeVeers has finally drawn attention to the dilapidated structures plaguing the town after being flattened by a 400kg piece of town hall...
Study: Niagara River fish have better access to antidepressants than most Canadians
NIAGARA FALLS – A new study released by the University of Buffalo has shown that the fish swimming in the Niagara River have free and unlimited access to a number of antidepressants and other pr...
