Wow! Donald Sutherland only allows Kiefer 20 minutes of Nintendo time every day!

And you thought your parents were harsh! It turns out that Hollywood legend Donald Sutherland keeps a close eye on how much Nintendo son Kiefer is allowed to play each day before bed. “Call me ol…

EDITORIAL: If it wasn’t for our discrimination, Pride wouldn’t even exist

As a Police officer, it is disappointing that the Toronto Police will no longer be marching in pride, in large part because we practically invented pride. If it wasn’t for our efforts raidi…

As Parliament breaks for summer, MPs scramble to find dates to end of session semi-formal

OTTAWA – It’s the end of another parliamentary session, and that means the Members of the Canadian House of Commons are ready to eat, drink and cut loose at the traditional end of session s…

Guide To Endangered Species

  As an environment-loving Canadian, here’s everything you need to know about endangered species!…

Harjit Sajjan claims credit for record 3.5 km sniper shot

OTTAWA – Minister of National Defence Harjit Sajjan told reporters that he was “the architect” behind the record-breaking 3.5 kilometre sniper shot reported by Canadian defence officials. “…

Local man who owns kettlebell somehow still completely out of shape

CALGARY – After possessing a twenty-five pound kettlebell for over three years, Patrick Donaldson continues to lack anything that one could describe as fitness. “I’m as shocked as you are”, said …

If it wasn’t for our discrimination, Pride wouldn’t even exist

– By the Toronto Police As a Police officer, it is disappointing that the Toronto Police will no longer be marching in Pride, especially considering we practically invented Pride. If it was…

QUIZ: Are you homophobic, Islamophobic or arachnophobic?

With so many irrational fears out there these days, it’s hard to keep track of what you have an extreme, deep-seated aversion toward. So much that it can be damn near impossible to figure out if …

Uber CEO replaced by sleep-deprived foreign student who really needs the cash

SAN FRANCISCO – After months of upheaval within the company, Travis Kalanick has stepped down as the CEO of Uber and will be replaced by a tired foreign student who has to pick up a few ext…

Yukoners generously sever toes to replace stolen one from Dawson City bar

DAWSON CITY, YT – In what many are describing as a grotesque act of kindness, hundreds of Yukoners have severed and donated their toes to replace the mummified digit that was stolen by a cu…