Kingston man unable to repair home due to downed tree’s heritage status

KINGSTON, ON – A Kingstonian man has been unable to repair the damage to his home after a heritage-designated tree fell on top of it during a storm. The 223-year-old protected fir tree was …

27 year-old who hasn’t woken up before 9:30am in 8 years thinks he could run farm if society crumbles

VANCOUVER – Despite never waking up with the sunrise in his entire life, local 27 year-old Jamie Pasternak believes that he could own and operate a farm if Canadian society ever collapsed i…

Local activist going to protests to avoid awkward conversation with roommate

TORONTO – Grateful for the mild weather and political unrest, local activist, Kelsey Fuller, keeps going to public protests to avoid having an awkward conversation with her roommate. “Lucki…

We ranked these crimes from coolest to mail fraud

El Chapo, O. J. Simpson, Donald Trump Jr. Criminals have never had more cultural cache, but not all crimes are cool. For every indie soundtracked, Edgar Wright-inspiring car chase there is some s…

Whitehorse residents agree

WHITEHORSE – A survey of over 500 Whitehorse residents indicate that they overwhelmingly agree. 95% of citizens from Yukon’s capital said ‘yes’ while, in another question, 85% said ‘sure’, …

REPORT: Saskatchewan left Canada years ago

OTTAWA- A report conducted by the Ministry of Environment says that the entire province of Saskatchewan detached itself from the rest of the country and left “probably several years ago,” and now…

Tories offer Omar Khadr additional $10.5 million to stay in news until next election

OTTAWA – The Conservative Party has vowed to match Omar Khadr’s $10.5 million payout if he agrees to do “everything in his power” to remain in the news until the next federal election in 2019. “W…

July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation

MONTREAL – Speaking from his personal experience, French President Charles De Gaulle has inspired Quebecers to liberate themselves by surrendering and awaiting for a massive Allied force to…

Alberta Wildrose, PC parties merge into single oil company

CALGARY – Alberta Wildrose and Progressive Conservative Party members have voted 95 per cent in favour of ratifying the agreement to join forces to create a dominant right-wing internationa…

BeaverWars: Custody Battle

  “Rational Alex Jones” reacts to having his kids taken away.…