An all-female Lord of the Flies is an insult to my childhood spent going nuts on an island

Oh boy, here we go again. It’s obvious that the film industry won’t stop until every beloved property from our childhood is desecrated with the PC treatment. An all-female Ghostbuster…

Tourist arrested for not practicing ancient Incan selfie ritual at Machu Picchu

CUSCO, PERU – A 24-year old Canadian tourist was arrested on Tuesday for failing to practice the ancient Incan tradition of performing a selfie at the Machu Picchu ruins, the most photograp…

Trump begins ‘negging’ portion of NAFTA negotiations

Washington, DC- Ahead of the meeting between Mexico, Canada and the USA in Mexico City to renegotiate the North American Free Trade Act, Trump has begun what he terms the ‘negging’ portion of the…

How To: Enjoy Your First University Party

  Want to go to your first university party and NOT be the guy who passes out naked in the bushes?…

Excessive cellphone use preventing teens from developing basic skulking skills

STOCKHOLM – A study published this week by the University of Gothenburg’s Sahlgrenska Academy states that cellphone use in teenagers drastically inhibits the development of young adults’ ba…

John Kelly tired of confiscating Trump’s nudie pens

Washington D.C – Newly appointed Chief of Staff John Kelly has been overheard complaining to aides about having to confiscate yet another one of President Trump’s nudie pens after a m…

Local man fails to lose weight despite thinking about working out for over a week

RED DEER – Roger Monroe has reported being frustrated by his failure to lose weight despite following a strict regimen of imagining what it would be like to go to the gym a lot for a full 1…

Ann Coulter finally allowed to die after Tomi Lahren joins Fox News

NEW YORK – Following the hiring of right-wing pundit Tomi Lahren, Fox News has announced that they will finally be allowing long-time contributor Ann Coulter to die. “So much pain… fo…

Ontario to rename all John A. MacDonald schools John A. Scotiabank Elementary

Luke is joined by Miguel Rivas, Andrew Barr and Nile Seguin. They get into the furor over how the Maple Leafs will now play in a building named after a different corporation (3:00), the campaign …

Houston Red Cross running dangerously low on thoughts and prayers

HOUSTON – The Houston chapter of the American Red Cross has issued a desperate plea for thoughts and prayers as Hurricane Harvey inundates southern Texas with record rainfall and devastatin…