OTTAWA – Justin Trudeau’s Liberal Party continues to find the reality of governing more difficult than making campaign promises. After electoral reform and environmental protection they are now ...
Investigators baffled by mysterious body found inside wooden box buried under stone marker
GRIMSBY, ON – After weeks of extensive investigation the RCMP announced today that they have absolutely no clue how, or why a body was buried six feet under ground, beneath a large stone cross, inside...
PCs hire man with air horn to censor Doug Ford every time he goes off script
BELLEVILLE, ON – The Ontario Progressive Conservative Party has put in place another measure to ensure Doug Ford stays on message by censoring anything off-script with an air horn. “Ontarians ar...
25-year-old coworker can’t believe you’re 30
MILTON – Sources have confirmed that despite your numerous assurances and even a brief viewing of your driver’s license, Lisa Eaton, your 25-year-old coworker, cannot believe you are 30. “Are yo...
Pizza Pizza introduces new 16” creamy garlic dip
ETOBICOKE, ON- Finally acknowledging that customers merely endure their pizzas in order to get their hands on their dips, restaurant chain Pizza Pizza revealed on Thursday a new 16” creamy garlic dipp...
I made soup in my crockpot, and you’re damn well going to hear about it
By: Ethan Dennis Hi, how are you? Okay, you son of a bitch, check out this soup. I made that. In my crockpot. And you’re damn well going to hear about it. Ask me how easy it was, motherfucker. No wait...
Manitoba capital relocated to Premier’s Costa Rica home for convenience’s sake
NEW WINNIPEG – Manitoba’s Premier Brian Pallister has announced he has relocated the provincial capital, Winnipeg, to his luxury home in Costa Rica making the Premier far more accessible for mee...
Realistic pharmaceutical commercial
Watch this exclusive clip from The Beaverton....
Notley assures BC that in event of pipeline leak, Alberta will pay its utmost respects
EDMONTON – In an effort to quell BC’s concerns over expansion of the Trans Mountain Pipeline, Alberta Premier Rachel Notley has promised the BC government that any oil spill or leak will result ...
Grindr defends practice of messaging user’s father every time they call someone ‘daddy’
WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA – In response to claims that they have committed a massive breach of privacy, representatives for the gay dating app Grindr are defending the company’s policy of alertin...
