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House Republicans roll out tax break on ‘thoughts and prayers’
WASHINGTON D.C. — In the wake of several deadly mass shootings, including one in Sutherland Springs, Texas, GOP lawmakers introduced a substantial tax break on the ‘thoughts and prayers’ th…
Local woman has hundreds of facebook statuses ready to go for celebrities yet to die
CRANBROOK, BC – Claiming “you can’t be too prepared”, local woman Lori Patel revealed this week that she has mournful Facebook statuses ready to go for the upcoming deaths of hundreds of ce…
Woman on date chooses to ignore red flag of water served in old salsa jar
PETERBOROUGH, ON – Arriving at her date’s home on a dinner invitation, Cynthia Masterson, 22, has reportedly decided to ignore the first glaring red flag of being offered a glass of water o…
Local minotaur takes city to court in labyrinth zoning battle
KNOSSOS – Local beast The Minotaur has decided to take Knossos city council to court after a years-long bureaucratic dispute over proposed additions to his labyrinth. “They’re biased agains…
As male filmmakers are sidelined by scandal, Hollywood turns to films directed by boys
LOS ANGELES – The increasing number of male directors embroiled in sexual harassment and abuse scandals has threatened to shut down all film production in Hollywood, leaving studios in a state of…
Gendered Insults
Inspired by #metoo movement, local man promises to say cunt less often.…
US imposes 300% duty on Ryans, accuses Canada of handsomeness dumping
WASHINGTON, D.C. – NAFTA talks took another nasty turn as the U.S. Commerce Department announced an immediate 300% tariff on all Ryans imported from Canada. “The United States remains committed t…
Scheer: “The Governor General should remain impartial about the existence of gravity”
OTTAWA – Conservative Leader Andrew Scheer is slamming the Governor General for her biased comments supporting the laws of gravity. “There are millions of Canadians who were offended by Jul…
Friends celebrate after couple reposts wedding photos for third time
YOUR FACEBOOK FEED – The Internet is abuzz with ‘likes’ and ‘hearts’ after beloved married people, Jennifer and Richard Wilkinson, posted their black and white wedding photos yet again. “Sure the…
iPhone X comes with pre-cracked screen, 89 group text-notifications
CUPERTINO, CA – After waiting months for the release of the iPhone X, Apple fans were pleased to discover new features that the new technology comes loaded with, including a pre-cracked scr…
