TORONTO – 32-year-old Kyle Dubas has accepted a temporary gig as General Manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs hoping to gain some valuable experience before he moves on to a more successful team. ...
Emergency Alert System texts ‘U Up?’ at 4am
OTTAWA – Following the nationwide Emergency Alert testing glitch this week that left thousands of Canadians staring expectantly at their phones for a message that never came, the system sought t...
QUIZ: What is Neil Young whining about now?
You can hear the unmistakable wheeze of one of rock and roll’s most important singer-songwriters, but you can’t quite make out what his high pitched complaint is about this time. Take this quiz to fig...
Kathleen Wynne completes third draft of concession speech
TORONTO, ON – Liberal Party leader Kathleen Wynne announced this week that she has finished writing “the best draft yet” of her concession speech for the upcoming Provincial election. “Normally politi...
Local man just wants to have a respectful debate with these Libtards
REGINA – Frustrated online commentator Keith Cook doesn’t understand why the cucks he is currently dealing with on facebook won’t engage in a meaningful and healthy dialogue with him...
Quiz: Which Diamond in Diamond & Diamond are you?
Everyone remembers the argument from elementary school. After you and your friends had argued about which teenage mutant ninja turtle everyone was, attention would turn to something far more important...
Jagmeet Singh suspends entire NDP caucus to be safe
OTTAWA – NDP Leader Jagmeet Singh has announced that he is suspending all of his MPs as a precaution in the event that more members of his caucus are accused of harassment or other forms of misc...
Latte artist moves into expressionist period
TORONTO – Veteran latte artist Joseph Romano, who has become infamous for his striking works such as “Heart” and “Flower, If You Kinda Squint Your Eyes,” has made a shift in genre from his...
Trump announces re-launch of Iranian nuclear weapons program
WASHINGTON – US President Donald Trump has announced that he will be re-launching Iran’s stalled nuclear weapons program after years of very little progress. “Iran deserves another shot at the b...
Andrew Scheer to serve as stark reminder for young people that smoking pot does not make you cool
OTTAWA – Admitting on Monday that he used to smoke pot when he was in university, federal Conservative Party leader Andrew Scheer is now holding himself up as a disturbing example to young peopl...
