MONTREAL – Montreal Canadiens GM Marc Bergevin has successfully traded forward Alex Galchenyuk on Bunz Trading Zone. A Himalayan salt lamp is the only piece heading the other way. “I spoke...
Disney in negotiations to purchase false sense of ownership from Star Wars fans
BURBANK, CA – After a period of protest Disney is moving to consolidate its ownership of Star Wars from a group of aggrieved not-actually-shareholders. “When we purchased Star Wars from Ge...
Quiz: What abuse of power got you suspended with pay?
We’ve all been there, sitting at home, collecting a full wage while doing nothing, waiting for reports about your unethical behaviour to blow over before you can return to work. But exactly what...
Degrassi High’s Jimmy Brooks miraculously walking again at high school reunion
TORONTO – Degrassi High’s Class of 2007 graduate Jimmy Brooks shocked former classmates by being able to walk despite a traumatic injury that left him paralyzed from the waist down. Brooks, who ...
REPORT: Cards Against Humanity officially surpasses acoustic guitars as the most annoying thing you can bring to a party
VICTORIA, BC – After data collection from thousands of parties across the country, reports are coming in that the annoying person who brings an acoustic guitar to a party is now officially less ...
Every patron on bar patio loudly praising craft beer
TORONTO – The warm summer air was alive with the sound of admiration this weekend as every patron on a local patio praised their choice of beverage with conspicuous enthusiasm. “THIS SAISON IS S...
Polite missionary patiently waiting for smarmy undergraduate philosophy student to stop fucking talking
TORONTO – Braxton Warmington, 18, a Mormon missionary, was busy nodding his head in polite agreement earlier today while local University student, Corey Langhart, 20, castigated him for several ...
Quiz for new University graduates: which entry-level retail job is right for you?
Attention recent University grads! Now that you’ve studied for years and gone into thousands of dollars of debt it’s time to find a low-paying job for the next ten years until enough Boomers ret...
Victory: Canadians celebrate Team Canada’s default participation in 2026 World Cup
MOSCOW – Canada has broken its decades old drought of participating in the World Cup after pulling off a shocking victory by co-hosting the global competition in 2026 and therefore a spot in the...
Love hack! Pete Davidson got a tattoo of everyone he met until someone agreed to marry him
After a whirlwind three week romance, comedian Pete Davidson and pop messiah Ariana Grande are engaged! But how did their relationship escalate from DMs to ‘I do’s’? Davidson lets us in on his little ...
