Ottawa Senators head into trade deadline looking to acquire dedicated fan base

OTTAWA – With the NHL’s trade deadline rapidly approaching, franchises are looking to improve the strength of their team by any means necessary. For the Ottawa Senators this means heading i…

Valerie Plante approval rating drops after she bans running down cyclists on Mount Royal

MONTREAL —  Recently elected Montreal mayor Valerie Plante’s approval rating has plummeted once again after announcing a controversial ban against driving your car into, and running o…

Canada’s men’s hockey team could not bear the shame of defeat, so they had a zamboni run them over

One of the amazing things about the Olympics is the emotional journey it takes us on. For every gold medal triumph, there is heartbreaking disappointment. After losing to Germany in the semifinal…

Study reveals ratio of “Netflix” to “chilling” at all time low

TORONTO – Shattering the expectation of internet memes everywhere, new research out of the University of Toronto indicates that full incidents of Netflix and chilling combined are at histor…

Indian PM promises to dress up like a Mountie, bring a convicted FLQ terrorist the next time he visits Canada

DELHI – Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi plans on reciprocating Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s efforts at embracing culture by dressing up as a Mountie and inviting a con…

Trump announces plan to arm firefighters with fire

WASHINGTON D.C. – In a bid to put an end to the longstanding epidemic of random fires breaking out across the nation, President Trump has put forward a bold plan to combat them by arming firefigh…

Republicans attack CNN for not interviewing “pro-school shooting” teens

WASHINGTON – Republican lawmakers and activists are pointing to the lack of teenage supporters of school shootings on CNN as another example of liberal bias in the media. “The question we n…

Canadian women’s hockey team Olympic silver medal really let country down, says 42-year-old unemployed loser

MATTAWA, ON – Following an overtime loss in the gold medal hockey game, local man Douglas Birch became vocal on social media about the national shame brought on by Canada’s 2nd place result…

Patrick Brown kicks off campaign for Ontario PC leadership at all-ages night in Barrie bar

BARRIE – After obtaining the approval of the Ontario PC Party’s provincial nominations committee, Patrick Brown officially kicked off his campaign for the party’s leadership at an all-ages …

Act of Sportsmanship: Canada’s women curlers allow others to beat them so less popular countries could medal

PYEONGCHANG – For the first time in Canadian Olympic history, Canada’s women curlers will not be returning with a medal as the team decided to allow other countries a chance to win an Olymp…