Coolsville – Jeremiah McGillicutty, known locally as Old Man McGillicutty, has been found not guilty of fraud, public nuisance and conspiracy after a judge ruled that testimony from a talking do...
As winter arrives, nation prepares to get so fucking cozy
OTTAWA – With the winter months here, Canadians across the country are making preparations to get so cozy, you don’t even know. “Oh man, I’m going to make winter my bitch this year,” said Calgary resi...
Quiz: Can you tell the difference between real Jewish holidays and ones we just made up but which might still be real, who knows
The Jewish religion is an ancient and venerated one characterized by its love of tradition and seemingly endless parade of crazy holidays. While researchers are still tabulating, at last count there w...
Study: 28% of Canadian bands found to be the Arkells
MONTREAL – A recent study conducted by the McGill University’s Cultural Studies School found that 28% of all Canadian musical acts were Juno-winning pop ensemble Arkells. “It was surprising, but...
Mirthless sociopath has the gall to ask for notes after missing every class
WATERLOO, ON – Deep in the trenches of Wilfrid Laurier University’s exam period, Jake Ripper, known sociopath, had the audacity to ask around for notes after missing every single class in the se...
Stereotypes flipped! This toy company has its play tool sets assembled by girls
Some say genders are innate and can’t be changed by society. Well one incredible toy company is proving them wrong, by showing little girls everywhere that it’s not just boys who get to cast, assemble...
NHL expands to Seattle after determining it is city furthest away from Quebec City
SEATTLE – The NHL has announced its 32nd team will call Seattle home after determining the West Coast city is the furthest distance from Quebec City. “We looked at several options including San ...
Vacationing couple disappointed to drive over Golden Gate bridge without getting hit by tidal wave, giant monster, space laser
SAN FRANCISCO – A couple from Vancouver were shocked after driving over the famous Golden Gate Bridge without being annihilated by a natural or supernatural disaster It had been an ordinary day ...
New OPP Commissioner vows to stamp out corruption that resulted in appointment of new OPP Commissioner
TORONTO – Newly named Commissioner of the Ontario Provincial Police Ron Taverner has promised that under his leadership, the force will not allow the kind of rampant political corruption that re...
Are Millennials killing the Hooded White Robe industry?
OTTAWA – Once considered a staple of North American culture, the hooded white robe is fading away into obscurity and many are wondering whether millennials are to blame. Financial investment tre...
