Police smash car window to rescue overheated dad still waiting for family to emerge from local mall

BURNABY, BC – Local authorities are once again reminding shoppers of the danger of leaving anyone in a hot car after police were forced to smash a window to rescue local father Dan Coolidge…

England demands referendum on World Cup semi-final results

LONDON – The British government is proposing yet another referendum, this time on whether to accept the results of the semi-final match between England and Croatia. Proponents of the refere…

Doug Ford replaces sex-ed curriculum with old copy of Playboy found in woods

TORONTO — Premier Ford announced today that he will scrap the 2015 Sex-Ed curriculum introduced by the Liberals, in favour of a stack of well-worn porno left for students to discover in the…

Pro-Brexit ministers do second smaller Brexit from Parliament

LONDON – Several pro-Brexit Secretaries in the British government have shockingly announced their intentions to stage another “mini Brexit”, this time from their duties in Parliament. Forei…

Trump rescues separated immigrant children with jobs at Mar-a-Lago

PALM BEACH, FL – In a surprise contradiction to his conservative border policy, U.S. President Donald J. Trump has instructed law enforcement to release immigrant children that ICE had sepa…

Budget cuts: Ontario unveils DIY school repair program for students

TORONTO – The Ontario PC government is calling on elementary and high school students to learn valuable construction skills since his government recently cut the $100 million school repair …

Nation’s retail sales associates just want you to know “That’s a GREAT colour on you, hun!”

OTTAWA, ON – As summer quickly descends upon us, prompting the need for crop tops and breathable fabrics, the nation’s retail sales associates have banded together to make sure you know tha…

How to shed your sunburnt skin like a sexy little snake

Summer is s-s-sizzlin’ this year with many a heatwave warning! If you spent some time soaking up the sun this past weekend or if you have plans to crisp up that epidermis next weekend, here’s how…

Man eating Tim Hortons poutine hopefully going through a breakup or something

OAKVILLE – Visitors to a local Tim Hortons franchise were disturbed and appalled to see resident Thomas McNaughton eating one of Tim’s new poutines, a decision they truly hoped was the resu…

History students 50 years from now pretty sure they would have helped hide immigrants

OTTAWA — History students studying at Sir Andrew Scheer High School in the year 2068 have all agreed that, had they been around during the Trump Years, they probably would have helped hide immigr…