Woodstock, NB – Local uncle Grant Newsten, 32, has been reported by witnesses to be handling his newborn niece, Amelia Newsten, as if she is a rickety and highly explosive crate of long-abandone...
Vancouver city council approves plan to extend SkyTrain vertically
VANCOUVER – Convening on the contentious issue of expanding Vancouver’s SkyTrain line west to UBC, the Vancouver city council has instead voted unanimously to extend the SkyTrain vertically into...
Couple concerned they’ll have to live up to their overly ambitious sexts
Peterborough, ON – After a pre-work make out session this morning, local couple Dirk Rosar and Kristen Lamers exchanged what sources are calling “highly ambitious” sexual text messages with each...
China unveils new tourism slogan, ‘Come and you’ll never be able to leave’
BEIJING – After a wave of Canadian citizens were suddenly and permanently relocated to China, the country’s Ministry of Culture and Tourism has unveiled an exciting new slogan, ‘Come and you’ll never ...
New Canada Food Guide recommends sharing food with friends, you sad lonely fucks
TORONTO – Experts at Health Canada that loneliness is a large factor in proper nutrition, suggesting that Canadians could make huge improvements to their diets, if they stopped being such a lose...
Unemployed man thinks hockey player lacks hustle
LETHBRIDGE, AB – During a hockey game Tuesday, local unemployed man Gareth Krag became quite outspoken about the lack of hustle shown by players on both teams. Over the 3 hour broadcast, he used...
Now that my diplomacy career is over, I’d like to talk to you about the new Huawei Mate 20 Pro
BY: JOHN MCCALLUM, CANADA’S FORMER AMBASSADOR TO CHINA Canada’s relationship with China is incredibly important in an age of globalization, changing technology, and free trade, but nothing has m...
Bruce McArthur pleads guilty, Toronto police still skeptical
TORONTO – Urging the public to not jump to any conclusions, Toronto Police Services have issued a statement to remind the public that just because Bruce McArthur has pleaded guilty to eight coun...
Toronto man who wasn’t speaking told to stop complaining about the snow
TORONTO – Despite the fact that he hasn’t actually said anything about the recent snowstorm, local man Jamal Cook has been frequently told by friends and colleagues from other parts of Canada to...
Small-town theatre critic pans community production with 4.5 star review
GUELPH – Local theatre critic Gregory Stephens held nothing back reviewing a local production of Tennessee Williams’s “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof,” issuing a lowly 4.5 out of 5 stars. Unlike hi...
