VANCOUVER – There’s been one silver lining to the large blaze that recently gutted two buildings and displaced eleven people in Vancouver’s Dunbar neighborhood: the transformation of a mass…
Public health advisory urges British Columbians to avoid staying inside, going outside
VANCOUVER – Vancouver Coastal Health and Fraser Health have issued a joint public health advisory today urging British Columbians to avoid staying inside due to extreme heat, and also to av…
Glove model gets hand job
NEW YORK – Glove model Anton Kamilnik announced this morning with much excitement that he had finally received a hand job. “With the kind of proximity that they require,” said Kamilnik, “in…
Straw man is idiot
By conservative voice of reason Dan Stapleton There’s a lot of pearl clutching by the ultra-liberal left about my supposedly controversial opinions, but it only takes a little bit of fact checkin…
British Columbia claims it was just holding smoke for a friend
VANCOUVER – When confronted by Canadian authorities this morning regarding reports that it had been seen smoking in massive quantities throughout the week, British Columbia sheepishly mumbl…
Avatar 2 delayed until after Avatar 3
LOS ANGELES – Director James Cameron has announced today that Avatar 2, the long-gestating sequel to his 2009 magnum opus, has been delayed by COVID-19 restrictions, and will not be coming …
Celebrity reassures other celebrities that it’s okay to be totally fine right now
LOS ANGELES – In a group chat with a long list of like-minded famous acquaintances, multi-platinum recording artist John Legend assured his fellow celebrities that they could not be faulted…
Biden within hair-sniffing distance of Democratic nomination
WASHINGTON – After being declared the winner of the final Democratic debate by several publications and continuing to lead in the primary delegate count, Joe Biden is now within hair-sniffi…
Introspective carpenter finds her shelf
KELOWNA, BC – Local carpenter Marybeth Dinh, 35, who left her accounting job in Vancouver to escape from the rat race into the picturesque BC interior, announced to friends and family via e…