The Beaverton

a man driving a car smiling out the window at the camera

Conscientious driver slows to 30 km/h in school zone while hitting children with car

Canadians who support the U.S. annexing us explain why

Leafs confident they’ll keep winning as long as they get the best goaltending in the league every single night

“Why is Toronto traffic so terrible?” wonders man in car

Puerto Ricans pissed Canada could become U.S. state before them

Side-by-side photos of Poilievre and Trudeau, with a little insert of a photo of Trump between them

Poilievre looking forward to blaming Trudeau for economic effects of Trump’s tariffs

Study: 95% of hero dogs ignored by authorities when barking for help

REGINA, SK – A new study conducted by researchers at The Littlest Hobo Memorial University has uncovered a starling trend; in 95% of cases, most hero dogs’ attempts to get help are ig…

Toronto commuter unable to tell if Taylor Swift gridlock has started

TORONTO – Local tax accountant Arthur Nowak has reported being unable to tell whether the city’s long-anticipated influx of Taylor Swift fans has begun, or if this is just regular Thu…

Family of 5 enjoys 24 hour window where nobody sick

Vaughan, ON – Members of the Braiden family are excited to have an entire day where nobody in the house is sick. “Usually October through April at least one of us will have a fever, s…

Steamy Romantasy goes into specifics of dragon sex

Vancouver, BC – The newest romantasy, Wings of Passion, is incredibly graphic in its specificity about dragon sex. Sarah Butler was excited to read the newest novel by author Becky Yates. T…

“Democrats better get their shit together before the 2028 election,” says adorable friend who thinks there’s going to be a 2028 election

Kincardine, ON – Local man Allan Terry has expressed his belief that the Democrats need to improve their messaging and policy efforts if they want to win the next Presidential election, cha…