Cash-strapped NRA lays off “Thoughts” department to focus solely on “Prayers”

FAIRFAX, VA – Following news from the National Rifle Association that revenue has decreased by $55 million over the past year, the gun-rights group has announced it will be shuttering the “…

Comrade Kenney demands Alberta politburo lower oil quotas

EDMONTON – Comrade Jason Kenney, member of the United Commissar Party is demanding Premier Notley’s politburo decrease oil production by 10 percent. Comrade Kenney made a stirring speech ra…

Insufferable hipster blossoms into insufferable yuppie

VICTORIA, B.C. — Friends and family of local man James Yorn have reported a mixture of joy and pride on seeing their friend mature from a shallow, self-absorbed, pretentious hipster to an e…

US smock market suffers worst crash in years

NEW YORK CITY — The U.S. Smock Market closed down nearly 19 points on Friday, capping off a week that saw a 42 per cent drop across the board, making it the worst smock market crash in hist…

Child dreams of one day creating content

WINNIPEG – Jacob Kubbs, 9 years old, reportedly spends his days sitting in the back of his Grade 4 class staring off into the distance, distracted by fantasies of being able to spend all hi…

Satanist BIA celebrates holiday season with community cavalcade of darks

IN PHOTOS: Satanist BIA celebrates holiday season with community cavalcade of darks Image via Deposit Photos…

Doug Ford demands Green Party apologize for letting Oshawa GM Plant close

Luke and the Panel (Andrew Ivimey, Jon Blair, Todd Van Allen) talk about people getting screwed over! Specifically the people of Oshawa getting screwed over by GM (1:00), Paul Manafort maybe gett…

Archeologists determine newly uncovered artifact either torture device or women’s fashion

LONDON, UK – Archeologists have uncovered a series of artifacts dated to the 6th century in Northern France this week,  identifying them as either an instrument of torture and humiliation, …

Frontrunning bid to build Canadian warships consisted of flipbook of stills from Speed 2: Cruise Control

OTTAWA – Taxpayer groups and competing defence contractors alike are calling foul after it was revealed Lockheed Martin’s bid for a $60 billion contract to build Canada’s next generation of…

Report: Facebook pretty much just pet obituaries now

TORONTO – A new report released by the University of Toronto suggests that 90% of recent Facebook posts are messages of love for recently deceased domestic animals. The social media site, once va…