Alberta looks for new dying, volatile industry to tie economy to

CALGARY — One of the United Conservative Party’s first acts is to create a brand new task force to find a replacement for the oil sands as the erratic, short term linchpin of Alberta’s econ…

Ontario Minister Lisa MacLeod apologizes to Senators owner for outburst after mistaking him for parent of child with autism

OTTAWA – Ontario Minister of Tourism, Culture, and Sport Lisa MacLeod has apologized to Ottawa Senators owner Eugene Melnyk for mistaking him for any parent of a child with autism. “I apolo…

Millennial contract killer struggles in gig economy

TORONTO – As the gig economy continues to devastate any sense of job security among millennials, the hitman industry has been one of the hardest hits. “Jesus Christ, I mean, you’ve got civilian U…

Life Hack! Destroy all semblance of happiness by turning your hobbies into barely profitable side hustles!

Hey Millennials! How many times have you caught yourself saying, “Man, between the terrible job market, climate change, resurgence of actual Nazis, and having no money for rent or basic necessiti…

This year’s song of the summer just podcast about impeachment

TORONTO —- In what musicologists and pop chart analysts are calling an unprecedented trend, patterns in digital downloads, youtube views and online engagement all indicate that this year’s song o…

Kawhi Leonard issues restraining order on 37 million Canadians

TORONTO – Claiming he is being stalked, NBA Champion Kawhi Leonard has placed a restraining order on the entire country including members of the media, fans, and gawkers. The order requires…

Nation’s toddlers refusing to budge on no-nap policy

OTTAWA – With negotiations dragging on until well-past 3pm, the nation’s parents say they have reached an impasse with their toddlers, who are steadfastly maintaining a strict no-nap policy…

Ford claims carbon tax recklessly rear-ended him in latest legal attempt

TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford appeared at an Ontario Superior Court with his injury lawyer claiming he was involved in a motor vehicle collision last night with the carbon tax, and announced …

Man delighted to discover his New Yorker tote bag is the perfect size to keep his stack of unread New Yorkers

TORONTO – After nearly four months of isolation, a New Yorker tote bag has found itself a greater purpose outside the dusty kitchen cabinets it once called home, “future graduate student” Samuel …

Cartoonist fired after viral cartoon threatens to keep print media relevant

SAINT JOHN, NB – Editorial cartoonist Michael de Adder was let go from Brunswick News Inc. just days after his viral cartoon of President Trump golfing near the bodies of dead migrants thre…