Malnourished toddler relieved to hear he’s not technically in a concentration camp

CLINT, TEXAS — After having been separated from his parents and forced to sleep on a concrete floor with thousands of other migrant children, 2 year old migrant Filipe Diaz was relieved to …

Advancement in field of weighted blankets allows covers to choke you slightly, call you daddy

WATERLOO, ON – At a press conference held last Thursday, weighted blanket startup Consensual Crushing announced its new line of adult bedspreads featuring the ability to choke users while e…

Children impressed, sad at how much Dad knows about Transformers

GRAVENHURST, ON – Local Dad Emil Johnston, 39, demonstrated substantial knowledge of the alien robots known as Transformers at a Toys R Us yesterday, and the response of his two children wa…

Scheer and Trudeau denounce new crop of deepfakes that show them taking the climate crisis seriously

OTTAWA – The leaders of the two most powerful political parties in Canada are both sounding the alarm over what they consider to be a disturbing new trend, the creation of manipulated video…

Still searching for buyer, Montreal Alouettes now listed as fully furnished

MONTREAL — In an attempt to entice an offer for the Montreal Alouettes, of which the Canadian Football League has recently taken ownership and has been struggling to find a potential buyer,…

Doug Ford to spend 5 month vacation criticizing teachers for their 3 month vacation

MUSKOKA, ON — After shuffling his cabinet and adjourning the provincial legislature, premier Doug Ford announced plans to spend his 5 month break criticizing the 3 month summer break that O…

Scientists confirm cool teenagers can smell your fear

KINGSTON, ON – A team of scientists at Queen’s University issued a press release yesterday stating that after a harrowing study, they have officially concluded that cool teenagers can smell when …

NASA proposes bold new plan to terraform Earth

PASADENA, CA – Hoping to inspire the public, NASA announced a bold new plan today to terraform Earth, saying that one day, humanity may be able to realize the far-off, distant possibility o…

Woman who gave stranger directions spotted frantically checking Google Maps two minutes later

VANCOUVER – Onlookers were shocked today when they witnessed a woman confidently give a lost motorist directions and then moments later pull out and check Google Maps. “I remember thinking,…

Canadians continue to await release of Conservative climate change plan

OTTAWA – Despite promises they would release it on June 19th, the federal Conservatives appear to be no closer to releasing their detailed plan for addressing climate change. “Frankly I don…