Canada’s Parliament resumed yesterday, and Erin O’Toole has announced that multiple Conservative MPs received medical exemptions to the requirement that everyone be vaccinated to enter the...
Woman afraid to ask if other people’s feet are also this sweaty
SASKATCHEWAN – Local woman, Maria D’Souza, has spent most of her life being afraid to ask other people if their feet are as sweaty as hers. “What first made me think something was wrong was when...
Toronto in chaos as combination Condo/A&W/Weed Stores gain sentience, overrun city
TORONTO – The downtown area is in complete chaos as Torontonians flee for their lives after the city’s omnipresent condos, A&W franchises, and marijuana dispensaries somehow coalesced toget...
Life coach benches client
CALGARY – Scouts report that life coach Tom Duggan is replacing his client, Simon Pike, after Pike turned in an incredibly underwhelming performance during the first half of his life. “Simon, I really...
Kyle Rittenhouse verdict celebrated by future Kyle Rittenhouses
KENOSHA, WIS – Kyle Rittenhouse, the defendant who was 17-years-old in 2020 when he crossed state lines with a rifle and shot three people, killing two, was found not guilty on all charges today...
Terrorist murderer found not guilty by jury of his peers
KENOSHA, Wis. – Terrorist murderers breathed a sigh of relief today upon the news that a jury composed of twelve terrorism and murder sympathizers found terrorist murderer Kyle Rittenhouse not g...
COVID booster shots approved for all sheeple and government simps over 18
OTTAWA – A third booster shot of the COVID-19 vaccine has been approved by Health Canada for use on all sheeple and government simps over the age of 18. “At this time the booster is recommended ...
Ajax unveils new slogan ‘Not fucking Pickering, that’s for damn sure’
AJAX – Ajax mayor Shaun Collier announced in a press conference today that Ajax has changed its town motto to ‘Not Fucking Pickering, That’s For Damn Sure’. The new slogan replaces Ajax’s old mo...
PMO casually inquires how many oil tankers could sail through flooded parts of BC
OTTAWA – With large parts of British Columbia still underwater due to climate change-related rainfall, the Prime Minister’s Office has offered condolences and also lowkey asked whether oil tanke...
B.C. Public Safety Minister clarifies that title is ceremonial, like “Princess” or “Birthday Boy”
VICTORIA – After yet another disaster during which the provincial government left crucial public safety decisions up to a patchwork of small municipalities, the B.C. Minister of Public Safety is...
